Kuronga Muchato Wengochani uye Kuwana Mazano Asina Kukumbirwa Kuhama?

Mark O'Connell, munyori we Varoora vemazuvano & Zvikomba zvemazuvano: Gwaro re Kuronga Yakatwasuka, Ngochani, uye Mimwe Michato Yemakore Makumi Maviri Nekutanga, anogovera chikamu chebhuku rake pamusoro penzira yokubata nayo nezano romuchato rinobva kuhama dzechivanhu.

naIvy Jacobson

Spotlights Kuseri Kwecurtain: Queer Tips From Traditional Relations

"Uchapfeka gauni remuchato rematepi?" ndakabvunza Munun'una waJustin Emily. 

Ndichakuita kuti uzive kuti amai vaEmily, Tete Corky, ndivo vekutanga kugadzira dhirezi nematepi! Akaigadzirira Emily's prom kumashure mumakore makumi mapfumbamwe. Mufananidzo waEmily wakaratidzwa mumagazini makuru—sa Maxim- uye maitiro akapararira. Iyo duct tape chipfeko chave chiitiko, chinhu. Ikozvino makwikwi arikuenderera uye aitove dambudziko rekugadzira Project Runway muna 2012. Asi kusvika nhasi, Corky haana kutora chikwereti chepamutemo; vanhu vega. Ndosaka ndakabvunza ndichidenha nezvembatya yemuchato waEmily — aive apfimbana kwenguva refu nechikomba chake, asi pasina kuchata pamberi. Ndaida kuti munhu wose aibatanidzwa ave nengwariro yandaifunga kuti yakakodzera. Ndaida kuti chokwadi chavo chisinganzwisisiki-chainge chavharwa nemagariro/"kuvanzika"-kuti vaite misoro yenhau. 

Munoona, pese pane hunyengeri, pane chokwadi. Pese pane queerness, panodiwa. 

Michato yedu yemazuva ano yakawanda kana isiri mizhinji — ingava ngochani, yakatwasuka, kana kuti yauinayo—ndiyo queer, zvichireva kuti vanoramba chikamu kana tsananguro. Ndinokuvimbisa iwe ikozvino mushure memuchato wakadaro iwe pachako, uyo chokwadi chako chinokunda tsika. Izvo zvinonetsa pauri zvinodiwa kutsauka kubva pane zvakajairwa kuvapo, kurarama, kufema—nzira iyo Emily aida dhirezi rematepi kuti anzwe saiye amene paprom. 

Lyn naJorge 

Muchato weshamwari yangu Lyn muenzaniso wakanaka wequeer = chokwadi = chinodiwa. Lyn akarererwa muJudha uye aingofambidzana nevechiJuda kusvika asangana naJorge — muKatorike asingaite zverudzi rweSalvador. Saka, kwete muJudha. Conservative (uye brittle) muchiJudha chake, munun'una waLyn akagoverana naLyn vasati varoorana kutenda kwake kwakasimba kuti anofanira kuroorwa mukati mekutenda. Kuti adzivise imwezve nharo, Lyn haana kutaura kuti rabhi wechikadzi aizoita mhemberero yavo, asingadi kunzwa kutsoropodzwa kwakawanda. Hanzvadzi yake pakutanga yakaramba kupinda. Zvichakadaro, baba vaLyn—mudhikoni akaberekwa ari muJudha kana kuti mudhikoni weKaturike—vakanga vaine minhenga yainge isiri Jorge. zvimwe Katorike. Baba vake vakangwarirawo kuti vasaswedere pedyo nechuppah yavo panguva yebasa. 

Lyn akamborwadziwa nazvo zvese izvi. Kusarudza kwese kwaaiita kwakakonzera hondo tsvene. Asi paakanyanya kuneta zvokutadza kuita hanya, akazviyeuchidza kuti nei aida muchato pakutanga nzvimbo. Anoda Jorge. Anoda kupedza hupenyu hwake hwose naye. Uye aida kupemberera izvozvo nevanhu vakanyanya kukosha muhupenyu hwake. Zvichidenha zvaiita semuchato wake kune vamwe, handicho chaive chinangwa chaLyn. Muchato wake wakanaka waingova mhedzisiro yechokwadi chake uye kuda kwake kutungamira nzira, uye kunyangwe zvatora nguva, mukoma wake zvino ane hukama hunodziya naJorge, uye ari kutaura nezve rudo rwake rwakakura kumwanakomana waLyn naJorge.

Zvauri Kuzivisa 

Saka usazvinetse nekudenha chero uriwe. The Batman naRobin muchato, kana Black Swan, Steam Punk, Alien Vs. chikara, kana Star Wars muchato - wakakwana nekufora kuenda kuDarth Vader Kurume - unogona kushanda zvese, asi chete kana pfungwa yacho ichikuratidza. kwete kana yakakufukidza mumusasa wekunze. Zvinogona kuve zvine hunyengeri kutaura mutsauko, kunyanya kana mapurisa echinyakare akatikomba muchimiro chemhuri yedu neshamwari, uye kunyanya kana mapurisa enormative tirisuwo.

The Normative Police 

Sairini yemapurisa echinyakare inorira munzira dzakati wandei - maitiro asina kunaka emukoma waLyn, hongu, asiwo nemamodhi akajeka. Amai vangu vakatya kuti tichava neshungu Elton John Muchato kana kuti vanhu vanobvunza zvinhu zvakaita sekuti “Ndiwe kwete kuvhara ma tatoo ako?" kana kuti “Haufanire kutsvoda paatari, handiti? Sezvo muri varume vaviri?" Shamwari dzirikufona Bridezilla kana Groomzilla nekuda kwekuti iwe unoda dhirezi rinopenya kana sutu inoita kuti unzwe senyeredzi. Mhuri ichiti “wakanyanyisa,” nemhaka bedzi yokuti uri kutofarira kuroora kana kuti nemhaka yokuti unoda chaizvoizvo kuonekwa nenzira iyi. Zviri nyore kuodzwa mwoyo panguva dzino, kuvhara kufara kwako uye / kana kuti wilt mukunyara. 

Tora nguva yekufunga mameseji anokutadzisa kutariswa-kunyanya kana iwe uriwe unozviitisa. 

Tarisa kwenguva refu uye zvakaoma nzira dzaunorota dzekuratidzira. Ita izvi mifananidzo kukupa chando? Kana zvakadaro, pamwe imhaka yekuti pfungwa yekupemberera zvese zvaunoda pamberi pevanhu vaunoda inokufadza. Kunyange kana sarudzo yako yemharidzo ichiita seinotsamwisa kune vamwe, kudenha kungasava vavariro yako yekupedzisira. Kunyange ukasarudza kuputsa madziro egamuchidzanwa—nzira iyo Lyn akaita nayo mukuroora asiri muJudha uye kuva narabhi wechikadzi—zvichida wakaita izvi kuti ugadzire nzvimbo yokuti chokwadi chako chivepo. Kwete kungo "ita chiitiko."

Uyezve, pamwe hama dzako dzinoita sechinyakare dzine hungwaru hwakanyanya hwekukupa iwe kupfuura zvinosangana neziso. 

Somuenzaniso, ndakambofunga kuti Tete Corky vaiva mupurisa wemazuva ose pavakashanya ivo nomurume wavo, Sekuru John, tichangoroorana. Corky aisada imwe yema toast patakatambira, uye aida kuti tizvizive. “Handina kutongofunga kuti kwakanga kuri madikanwa,” iye akadaro, achinongedzera kuchiratidzo che“zvamatongerwe enyika” chakapiwa neshamwari yedu inodiwa Sharon. Sharon isimba rine ushamwari, rinotyisa kutaura—tinombomudana Hurricane Sharon. Akanga achikakavadzana segweta rechirongwa cheACLU LGBT panguva yekuchata kwedu, uye nekukanganisa kwewanano kushanduka-zviri pamutemo uye nemagariro-hapana mumwe munhu aikwanisa kufunga nezvekeepin'-it-chaiyo, chikamu chekumiririra. zvemuchato wedu zvisiri pamutemo kupfuura iye. Asi Corky haana kubvuma. “Zviri pachena kuti tese taivepo kuti tikutsigire. Nei paine aifanira kuenda ikoko?”

Matauriro ake akaita kuti ndinzwe manyukunyuku panguva iyoyo, asi ini ndisingaoni zvakanaka, uye nokusarurama, ndakazvikokera kuti iye ave wechivanhu. 

Amai vaJustin, Sandy, zvimwe vakanga vakanganisa maonero angu, vachikarakadza kuti John (munun’una wake) airangarirwa kuva “akanaka” navabereki vavo veWASPy, nepo Sandy ainzwa segwai nhema. John naCorky vaive nemuchato wakareba une hutano, imba yakanaka yekuNew England yekupurazi — ine piketi-fenzi — nevanasikana vaviri vakanaka. Nepo Sandy —kunyangwe aive nevanakomana vaviri vakanaka — akarambwa uye asina kujairika zvakanyanya mukuseka, mumaitiro, uye zvakazara. Asi iyi ingori maonero. 

Tarisa uone nhoroondo dzemhuri dzakarerekera. Vanogona kugadzira zvipingamupinyi zvisina basa pakati pako nedzimwe hama dzako. 

Chokwadi, kubva pakuona helikopta, John naCorky vanogona kunge vakafanana nemhuri yakajairika kubva Zvisiire kuBeaver, asi kana iwe ukaswededza mukati pane lizard tattoo panzeve yaCorky, uchaona queerness inoshamisa ichitenderedza nzira yekubuda. Muchokwadi, kana iwe ukaenda kumba kwavo - iyo yakafanana neinoyevedza, New England yekurara nekudya kwemangwanani - unogona kuona mwenje wemashiripiti uchipukunyuka kubva pamusuwo wepamusoro. Ndiyo imba yekugadzira yaCorky. Mukati, iwe unowana matoyi akapendwa nemaoko, macheya, wachi — uye apo neapo duct tepi rokwe — zvese mune yake siginicha quirky maitiro. 

Iwe unoziva sei Tim Burton ane iyo iconic, imwe-yenyika, nhema-uye-chena-mitsetse, isinganzwisisike, gothic aesthetic? Corky's yakasiyana.

Akambogadzira Justin chair yakapendwa nemavara ezvihwitsi zvinonaka uye maumbirwo akafanana naMiro anoita seanotamba. Anotitumirawo chishongo cheKisimusi chakagadzirwa nemaoko gore rega rega: kamwe, zvisingakanganwike, takagamuchira maelves akaputirwa nezviso zvedu zvakavhenekerwa nesilika, izvo zvatinodaidza zvidhori zvedu zvevoodoo. Chokwadi ndiye munhu wepakutanga, ane tarenda, uye ane hunyanzvi hwekuita munhu wandati ndamboziva. 

Asi zvaanoda ndezvekuti arambe asingazivikanwi. Yakavharwa, kana uchida. Uye ndinofanira kudzidza kuremekedza izvozvo. (Pane imwe nguva. Zviri pachena kuti handisati ndasvika, sezvandiri kunyora zviri pachena nezvake.) Asi izvi zvinongoreva kuti kunyange hama dzedu dzepachivande, dzinoita sedzagara dziripo hadzisi hadzo vadzvinyiriri veNorth Korea. Chinangwa chavo chingasava chekutivhara. Muchokwadi, saCorky, vanogona kunge vaine hunyanzvi hwekugadzira hwakaiswa kure hunogona kutibatsira zvikuru, kana tichiziva kwekutarisa. 

Corky naJohn 

Sezvazvinoitika, Corky naJohn vaive ne muchato wequeer zvavo. (Yakanga iri Black Sheep Sandy aive nemaitiro makuru ezvekuita pachiteshi chengarava chepamusoro cheNew Hampshire. Rangarira zvandakataura pamusoro pemichato nenharo, muchitsauko 1?) John naCorky, kune rumwe rutivi, vakarashika. Vakanga vachigara muKansas panguva iyoyo, kure nemhuri dzavo, uye vakangozviita. Ivo chete, dzimwe shamwari, nembwa yaJohn, Josh. Mitemo yavo. John akapa Corky a Donald Duck mhete panguva iyoyo: chiito chakaratidza kuseka kwavo uye queer pfungwa yeiyi tsika sekuita. Vakanga vakasiyana-siyana marin'i emuchato nekufamba kwemakore — nyanga dzenzou, jade, platinamu — asi John nguva pfupi yadarika akaita kuti mhete yepakutanga igadziriswezve kuti vayeuke muchato wavo wequeer: Donald parizvino akabata dhaimondi. 

Uye hushamwari hwavo hwakatoenda kunyukireya-semumhuri. Sezvandinonyora izvi, takagamuchira mushure-iyo-chokwadi-chiziviso chemukoma Emily wepedyo, pasi pe-radar muchato. Hapana duct tape dress, zvinosiririsa. Asi chokwadi kwaari, Emily akaenda kunonyaradza bridal queer: tangi chena, shorts yedenim, uye flip flops.

Tanga kurongedza vakajairwa vechinyakare mumhuri yako uye vabvunzurudze. 

Iwe unogona kusakura kuburikidza nechero mazano akajairika ausingade, asi zvakadaro unogona kuwana kurudziro munzvimbo dzisingatarisirwe. 

Semuenzaniso, tora Tete vangu Rita, avo pavakabatwa mumakore makumi manomwe, vakanyura vakananga kumucheto kweguta reLong Island (chaizvoizvo, aive mudzidzisi wekushambira). Aive ave kumakore makumi maviri ekutanga uye iri raive tikiti rake rekubuda muBronx. Ndichingomuziva, anga ari mushava anoyevedza, anopofomadza, achikwenya zvipikiri zvaunogona kucheka nyama yenyama, uye “kukwenya” kunge Mai Chaivo Vemumba ve“Lawn Guyland.” Girazi rinotsvedzerera remudhorobha remazuva ose raiita seraikwana tsoka yaRita—kusvikira arambana uye nzvimbo iri pedyo yave “Dawgville.” Uye Cinderella weLawn Guyland akadzoserwa muRita kubva kuBlock. 

Iyo yakajairwa-polish yakabviswa, ini ndave kuona Rita achangobva, zvinoshamisa, queer. Ndinofungidzira kuti angave akaita sei asati aroora kana kuti kuroorwa yechivanhu. Paakanga ari mudzidzi paFIT uye akagadzira chipfeko chake chemuchato wevabereki vangu muna 1971, semuenzaniso. Wild hot pink hot-pants! (Abva andiruramisa: akati bhurugwa rinopisa raive chairo, "salmon"). Kwete chaizvo izvo mukadzi wemba anonyatsoziva Long Island angasarudza muchato. Zvakakwana queer. Ndiani angave thunk? 

Ndakanga ndakumbira Rita zano rakananga rekuroora, rakadai sekuti "Amai vedu vanofanira kutipa here?" anogona kunge akamonya mhino yake asingatenderi—netsika, nousimbe—asina kumboona chinhu chakadaro pa“Lawn Guyland.” Asi zano nderokubvunza nezve hot-pants. Ikoko, ndaizowana chiedza chaRita, icho chingave chakabetsera kutsvaka kwedu zvokwadi inobatanidzwa. 

Sezvazvinoitika, mukoma waLyn - muJudha ainyanya kuchengetedza - anewo nhoroondo yakavanzika yehukasha-kusanganisira husiku hwemusango muNew Orleans, uye kunyangwe kuchinjika kweHalloween, achipfeka semukoti, mukoti wechikadzi. Lyn ane mufananidzo. Dai aikwanisa kuwana vhezheni yake iyoyo pakuronga muchato wake. 

Isu tinodzidza kubata zvirinani nemapurisa anojairika muhupenyu hwedu, uye kuunganidza kurudziro kubva kwavari, kana tanzwisisa kunobva zvirevo zvavo zvekutonga. Havasi hazvo kuyedza kuve vadzivisi vetsika, uye havasati vane phobia pamusoro pevanhu vakaita sewe. Chavanogona kuva nacho kusanzwisisana pamusoro pekugara munzvimbo inoonekera ivo pachavo. 

Spotlight Ambivalence 

Spotlight Ambivalence manzwiro akasanganiswa nezvekufumura chokwadi chekugadzira chemunhu kana ichipokana nemaitiro. Zvinokonzera kuti vanhu vashande, uye dzimwe nguva vanopokana kana iwe ukatora nzvimbo yepakati. 

Asi sezvakaitwa naCorky, Rita, nemukoma waLyn, vanogona kunge vakapfeka gauni rematepi rinoyevedza, bhurugwa rinopisa re“salmon”, kana chipfeko chemukoti chemusasa kuseri kweketeni. Kana tikateerera nepfungwa dzakazaruka, tinogona kutsvaga chokwadi chavo chakaoma, uye tova neushingi hwekuratidza matauriro edu pachedu. 

Ndinoshuva kuti dai ndakanzwisisa Spotlight Ambivalence zviri nani apo Amai vangu vakazivisa kutya kwavo Elton John Muchato. Kana kunyange nzira zvisati zvaitika, pandaiva nemakore mashanu. Kune rimwe divi, akandirega ndive muroyi weHalloween uye akandiwanira Miss Piggy puppet yeKisimusi. Kune rimwe divi, aigara asina kugadzikana—zvisinganzwisisike, asi zvine simba—apo ndaikwevera ngwariro kwandiri munzira dzisingaenderane nevakadzi, semuenzaniso, “Vakomana vanobvisa tsiye dzavo here?” uye “MaS enyu ari kuderera zvishoma.

Hazvina kujairika kuti vakadzi nengochani kana varume vasina kuwirirana varume vave naamai vanoratidza iyi fomu yeSpotlight Ambivalence.. Nharaunda yedu inoda mapurisa kana kuranga (kana kushandisa) zvinhu zvese zvechikadzi. Izvi zvinoisa mutoro usina kunaka kune vazhinji vedu kuvhara zvishuwo zvedu zvekutariswa, nekutya kuwana mavara. flamboyant, drama mambokadzi, murazvo, teerera hure, zvichingodaro. Vanaamai vedu vakawanda vanoedza kutidzivirira pakurohwa kwechaunga kwehasha nokutitumira mashoko—manomano kana kuti zvakananga—kuti “tiite pasi.” (“Unonyatsoda chipfeko chinoshamisira ichocho here?” “Usave mwana wamambo akadaro.”) Asi vanaamai vakawanda vakaita sechangu vangava nechido chavo chapedyo—kunyange chisinganzwisisike—kuda kwedu uye nokuda kwavo tose. kutamba munzvimbo inoyevedza. 

Semuyenzaniso, chishuwo chaamai vangu chekuti ndive naMiss Piggy kuti nditambe nebackstage chaivapo pamwe chete nekutya kwavo hutsinye hwandaizoitirwa kana vakabatwa vachitamba naMiss Piggy centre. Ndinoona iye zvino kuti akanga asina hunhu hwechingochani kana kuti kunyanya effemiphobic. Akanga achitya-kutya; kutya kutariswa kwakabva mukutsauka kubva pakuchengetedzwa kwemaitiro. 

Chokwadi kana akatwasuka, machena, echirume, varume vanotora chitarisiko—sezvavanogara vachiita nenzira dzatinotarisira: simba, utsinye, zvichingodaro—hatitombozvioni. (Vanun'una vangu vatatu havana kudziviswa zvakanyanya pamitemo yaamai vangu isina kujeka, yetsika.) Hatifungi kuti vari kukumbira kutarisirwa zvakanyanya sezvo takavabvumira kutonga kupenya kubva pakutanga. 

Ndava kunzwisisa iye zvino kuti pose Amai pavainyunyuta nezvekabudura kaSerena Williams kana kuti Angelina Jolie… zvakanaka, zvese nezvaAngelina Jolie, kana kuti “S” mwana wangu ari kuyaruka (pre-drama school, mufunge), aitaura zvake Spotlight Ambivalence. Paakashoropodza hanzvadzi yake, Tete vangu Connie, kwete chete nekuda kwewanano dzavo dzakawanda, asi zvakare nekutamba nhanho dzinotungamira mu. Chicago, Cabaret, Mhoro Dolly, Anotapira Charity, Anonakidza Musikana, Gypsy nevamwe vasingaverengeki—kuti tirege kukanganwa, akashongedzwa naLiz Taylor—kwakanga kuri kwaAmai Spotlight Ambivalence pakutamba. 

Ndinoshuva kuti Spotlight Ambivalence dai isina kubata amai vangu zvakasimba kudaro; nokuda kwake uye nokuda kwangu. Ndinorangarira shanduro yake ye "Dream a Little Dream" ichidarika yaAmai Cass. Aiimba kudaro paakandirarisa husiku. Asi zvakare, hukasha hunobuda nekuda kwekuda, uye panguva idzodzo, aitoda kuti ndirare. Semutero kune izvi, iye neni takatamba kurwiyo irworwo, mukutarisa, pamuchato wangu.

Iyo yakanyanya Spotlight Ambivalence yekunetsana nayo, zvakadaro, ndeyako. 

Inogona kukonzereswa zviri nyore uye kuvhara chishuwo chako chekuzivikanwa kwakakodzera nekumhanya kwemheni. 

Izwi rinokonzeresa rangu, semuenzaniso, ndiro zvisina kunaka. Shamwari yedu Lyle anowanzo kuishandisa apo vanhu vanotora nzvimbo - iyo yaanoona sehunhu hwemahara. Anova munhu ane hutsinye, ane hasha paanozvitaura kuti: “Hazvina kunaka!” Rimwe zuva, mushure mekugumbuka pane imwe yehasha dzaLyle, ndakadhirowa katuni yemunhu uyu: musikana mudiki weVictorian ane pink taffeta hoop-skirt uye Shirley Temple curls akadhonzwa zvakasimba. Ndinomuti Lil' Priss. Mufananidzo uyu unondibatsira kumuseka. 

Asi panguva imwe cheteyo, ndakadzidza kuona kuti vangangove amai vake vakashongedzwa, vekuMaodzanyemba vachichema. kusazvibata kuburikidza naye—sezvizvarwa zvaLil’ Prisses zvakachema kuburikidza naye. (Sezvinongoita amai vangu vanoshingaira, vanopandukira, vanotaura pachena, vekuItaly vari kunyora kuburikidza neni zvino—tiri munzira dzakawanda kwatakabva.) Uye kutaura chokwadi, Lyle akashanda kuti ataurirane nezvekuzivikanwa kwake sengochani nemidzi yake yekuchengeta tsika— semuenzaniso, iye zvino anonangisa noushingi mhosva dzake dze kusazvibata kune vanoparira homophobia. Ndinoedza kuchengeta izvozvo mupfungwa pese paanonaya pamapuranga angu. Asi ini zvakare ndine tariro yekuti Lil 'Priss rimwe zuva aregedze bvudzi rake, orizunza kunze, asunungure corset, uye ave musimboti weiyo queer parade - sezvaunofanirwa kuita nemaune kutarisisa pamuchato wako. 

Sezvatakatogadzira, kuita mushure mezvose, kuzvida kana kusada. Imwe iyo muri vaviri muri pakati. Kana uchipfuura nazvo, unofanira kuda kuvapo. Uye kana ukasadaro, tsvaga nzira. 

Chimbofunga zvakataurwa nemutambi wemabhaisikopo Nicole Kidman nezvekuita zvemafirimu: “Ndinoita chero zvandinoda kuti ndisvike panzvimbo yacho. Chete… funga nezvake achitaura kuti nematauriro ake eAussie, zvinotonyanya kunakidza. Shandisa nguva yaunayo kusvika panzvimbo. Iwe unozoda kutsvaga nzira yekunzwa zvakanaka pamusoro pekuve munzvimbo iyoyo. Zvekare, iwe unogona kunge wakakura kana mudiki sezvaunoda, chero bedzi chinangwa chako chiri chakananga. Uye iwe unoda kuvapo! Mhosva yega yechokwadi mukufamba munzira uchitamba Lady Gaga nyama-chipfeko, semuenzaniso, kuratidza kuti haungade kucherechedzwa. 

Uye nei usingafaniri kuonekwa? Vakaroorana vechivanhu vakatarisa izvi kwemazana emakore, uye vanodzivisa kusekwa nokuti vanotarisirwa kuzvitora. Zvinonyadzisa chaizvo here kukumbira kutariswa kwakafanana? Nekuda kwekuti nyaya yako yerudo inogona kunge isiri iyo inonyanya kufarirwa yakambotaurwa? Chakaipisisa chingaitika ndechekuti iwe unonakidzwa zvisingaite, nepo mumwe munhu asingadaro. Sekutaura kwakaita mutambi Uta Hagen, “Tinofanira kukunda pfungwa yekuti tinofanira kugara tichigara. Zvinokutorera iwe mukana wekuve wakasarudzika uye zvinokutungamirira kune mediocre. " Hapana kunyara kukumbira kuonekwa seanoshamisa, kunyanya kana uine chido chekugovana. 

Hongu, ungangofanira kunzwa chimwe chinhu kubva kumunun'una waLyn, Amai vangu, Corky, Rita, kana Lyle, asi unozokwanisa kuisa zvese izvo muchirevo. Ingopa nyemwerero yenyasha—imwe inoti, “Aa, ngatirege kutamba mutambo iwoyo.” Toast kune wese wese queerness-mukati kana kunze. Uye kunwa champagne. 

Asi isu tinofanirawo kubvumidza vanhu kuti vapemberere chokwadi chavo chakapusa maererano nezvavo, vaine kana pasina vateereri. Zvisinei nechishuvo changu chekukwevera Tete Corky munzvimbo inoyevedza—kuti pasi rose rivarumbidze nekugadzira rokwe rematepi!— ndezvavo kushandisa chero zvavanoda. (Ndiregerereiwo hunyengeri hwangu sezvandinomutarisa pano. Tese tiri mabasa ari kuenderera mberi). Edza kuisa pfungwa dzako pakuita chero zvakakunakira iwe uye chiitiko chako. 

Justin neni takasarudza kupinda munzvimbo inotaridzika kubva pakutanga nekugadzira mufananidzo wemuchato. Izvi zvaimiririra quirky flavour sepairi. Isu takaishandisa pane zvese kubva kuchengetedza misi kune zvirongwa uye nzvimbo marongero. Mushure mekuseka, kupopotedzana, kudhirowa, uye imwe waini tsvuku, takagadzira imwe vhezheni yeAmerican gothic pendi nevarimi vaviri vechirume: isu. 

Mamwe emapurisa akajairika muhupenyu hwedu akatiyambira kuti tisashandise, tichiratidza kuti yaive yakapusa (yakanyanya queer?). Asi kwatiri zvainzwa zvakanaka. Takanga tangoona uye takatorwa mwoyo Brokeback Mountain, iyo yaiva nerudo rwepabonde rwakatendeseka pakati pevarume vasati vamboonekwa pamasikirini makuru-zvinoshamisa, vakomana vaviri vekuAmerica. Isu takafemerwa kutamba neyechirume iconography. Chifananidzo chacho chaive chechokwadi, chepamusoro-soro, uye chekutamba. Sesu. Uye, serekodhi, takaita izvi pamberi peAdvocate's 2008 American Gaythic butiro, rine mufananidzo wakafanana waEllen naPortia. 

Makore gare gare, zvakadaro, zvakauya kwandiri kuti kurudziro yedu ingangove yakabva kune isingatarisirwe sosi. Tichiri kutarisa mumifananidzo yemhuri yekare, takasangana nepfuti yaTete Corky naSekuru John's discrete elopement muna 1972: sepia foto yakatorwa payakanaka, rustic zoo-yakanyanya American Gothic. Aive akapfeka hembe dze gingham, aive akapfeka sutu yemazuva ese. Aiita kunge akapfava / achipenya mumucheka wepixie - saEllen Burstyn kana mumwe mutambi wenguva iyoyo. Aiita seanopenga mumatton chops, saDonald Sutherland kana mumwe mutambi wenguva iyoyo. 

Meso avo aipenya neshungu dzechokwadi apo vainakidzwa nechimiro chavo chechiedza.

Mark O'Connell, LCSW, iNew York City-yakavakirwa psychotherapist mune yakavanzika tsika, munyori uye mutauriri weparuzhinji pamusoro penyaya dzine chekuita nehukadzi, kuzivikanwa uye kusawirirana kwehukama. Senyanzvi yehukama hwemazuva ano uye muchato, anogara achibvunzurudzwa na vasvitsa magazini, The Knot and Inside Weddings, uye inyanzvi yepamutemo paMarriage.com. Anonyorera The Huffington Post uye Psychology Today pakati pemamwe masosi anozivikanwa, uye kunyora kwake kwekiriniki kwakaburitswa na Nyaya yeAmerican Psychoanalytic Association. Webhusaiti yake ndeye MarkOConnellTherapist.com.