ILETA YOTHANDO: UMarGARET MEAD NORUTH BENEDICT
UMargaret Mead inyamezela njengeyona yaziwa kakhulu neyona mpembelelo yenkcubeko ye-anthropologist, engakhange ikhulise i-anthropology ngokwayo kodwa yabeka isiseko senguquko yezesondo ngeminyaka yoo-1960 ngezifundo zayo zokucinga ngesondo. Ukongeza ekwandiseni iindibano zenkcubeko ngomsebenzi wakhe, ukwabonakalise utshintsho kubomi bakhe bobuqu. Etshatile izihlandlo ezithathu namadoda, wayemthanda kakhulu umyeni wakhe wesithathu, isazi ngembali yabantu saseBritani esaziwayo uGregory Bateson, awayenentombi naye. Kodwa obona budlelwane bunzulu kwaye buhlala buhleli ebomini bakhe yayikunye nomfazi - i-anthropologist kunye nefolklorist. URute Benedict, Umcebisi kaMead kwiyunivesithi yaseColumbia, iminyaka elishumi elinesine ephezulu kuye. Aba babini babelane ngeqhina lobukhulu obungaqhelekanga kunye nothando, oluye lwadlula kwikota yenkulungwane ukuya ekupheleni kobomi bukaBenedict.
NgoAgasti 1925, uMead oneminyaka engama-24 ubudala wakhwela isikhephe esiya eSamoa, eqalisa uhambo olwaluza kuvelisa incwadi yakhe enempembelelo enkulu. Ukuza ngobudala eSamoa: Uphononongo lwezeNgqondo kuLutsha lwaBadala kwimpucuko yaseNtshona. (Mead, owayekholelwa ukuba “umntu unokuthanda abantu abaliqela nokuba umsa oyimbonakaliso unawo indawo kwiindidi ezahlukahlukeneyo zolwalamano,” ngelo xesha wayetshate nomyeni wakhe wokuqala yaye babenelungiselelo elingavisisaniyo elalivumela bobabini ukuba enze umsebenzi wasentsimini kude naye kangangexesha elide yaye bevumelana neemvakalelo zakhe ngoRute.) Ngosuku lwesine awayenalo ngoRute. elwandle, ubhala uBenedict ngeenxalenye ezilinganayo zokuzinikela kunye nokungxamiseka:
“Rute, sithandwa sam. . . Iposi endayifumana kanye ngaphambi kokuba ndimke e-Honolulu nakwiposi yam yothungelwano ngekhe ikhethwe ngcono. Iileta ezintlanu ezivela kuwe-kwaye, owu, ndiyathemba ukuba unokuziva ndikufutshane nawe njengoko wenzile- ndiphumle ngokuthambileyo nangobumnandi ezingalweni zakho. Nanini na xa ndidiniwe kwaye ndigula kukulangazelela ndingahlala ndibuyela emva kwaye ndiphinde ndibuye emva kwemini e-Bedford Hills kule ntwasahlobo, xa ukwanga kwakho kwakunetha ebusweni bam, kwaye loo nkumbulo ihlala ihleli ngoxolo, sithandwa.
Kwiintsuku ezimbalwa kamva:
"Rute, andizange ndiphinde ndizalwe emhlabeni ebomini bam-kodwa ndingaphinde ndiwazi amandla othando lwakho olundinika lona. Uye wandeyisela ngento enye ebomini eyenza ubomi bube nentsingiselo.
Awunaso esinye isipho, sithandwa. Kwaye yonke inkumbulo yobuso bakho, yonke isandi selizwi lakho luvuyo endiya kuzondla ngalo kwiinyanga ezizayo. "
Kwenye ileta:
“[Ndiyazibuza] enoba ndingakwazi ukuqhubeka ndiphila, ndifune ukuqhubeka ndiphila ukuba ubungakhathali.”
Kwaye kamva:
Ngaba i-Honolulu ifuna ubukho bakho be-phantom? Owu, sithandwa sam - ngaphandle kwayo, andinakuhlala apha kwaphela. Umlomo wakho uzisa iintsikelelo, sithandwa sam.
NgoDisemba waloo nyaka, uMead wanikwa isikhundla sokuba ngumncedisi ongumlondolozi kwiMyuziyam yaseMelika yeMbali yeNdalo, apho wayeya kuqhubeka echitha lonke ixesha lomsebenzi wakhe. Wamkela ngochulumanco, ubukhulu becala ukuze ekugqibeleni abe kufutshane noBenedict, waza wafudukela eNew York nomyeni wakhe, uLuther Cressman, ekholelwa ngokungagungqiyo ukuba obo budlelwane babini babungayi kwenzakalisa okanye buphikisane. Ngokukhawuleza ukuba isigqibo senziwe, wabhalela uBenedict ngoJanuwari 7, 1926:
“Ukuthembela kwakho kwisigqibo sam ibe yeyona nto ingundoqo kum, sithandwa, kungenjalo ngendingenakukwazi. Kwaye konke oku uthando ondithululele kuso sisonka newayini kwintswelo yam kanye. Ngalo lonke ixesha, ndihlala ndibuyela kuwe. Ndiphuza iinwele zakho, sithandwa sam.
Kwiintsuku ezine kamva, uMead wathumela uBenedict ileta ebuhlungu, ecinga ngobudlelwane bakhe obubini kunye nendlela uthando oluqaqambisa ngayo intando yalo:
"Ngenye indlela obu bukho bebodwa butyhila ngakumbi - ngendlela endinokuthi ndijike kwaye nditshintshe isimo sam sengqondo ngakubantu ngaphandle kokwenza konke konke ngaphandle kokuphuma ngaphakathi kum. Ndizakuvusa ngenye intsasa ndikuthanda ngendlela eyothusayo ngendlela entsha kwaye mhlawumbi khange ndibuphulule ngokwaneleyo ubuthongo emehlweni am ukuba ndijonge nomfanekiso wakho. Indinika imvakalelo engaqhelekanga, phantse engaqhelekanga yokuzimela. Kwaye kuyinyani ukuba sibe nako ukuthandeka "kufutshane" kunye kuba andikhe ndikuve ukude kakhulu ukuba ungakuhlebela, kwaye iinwele zakho ezithandekayo zihlala zityibilika eminweni yam. . . .Xa ndisenza umsebenzi olungileyo kuhlala ndikwenzela wena … kwaye ukucinga kwakho ngoku kundenza ndonwabe kancinane ngokunganyamezelekiyo.”
Kwiiveki ezintlanu kamva, phakathi kuFebruwari, uMead noBenedict baqala cwangciso ukubaleka kunye iiveki ezintathu, nto leyo engqina, ngenxa yeeshedyuli zabayeni babo, ukuba intsonkothile kunokuba bobabini babecinga. Ecaphukile kulo lonke ucwangciso, uMargaret ubhala uRuth:
"Ndiza kuba yimfama ngokukujonga, ndicinga ukuba ngoku akunamsebenzi - kodwa into ethandekayo ngothando lwethu kukuba kuya kuba njalo. Asifani nabo bathanda uEdward “ngoku balele ezidleleni” njl.njl. abaye balibala zonke izinto uthando lwabo olwalubafundise ukuba bazithande—uPrecious, uxabisekile. Ndincamisa iinwele zakho.”
Phakathi kuMatshi, uMead uphinde wazinza ngokuqinileyo kuthando lwakhe ngoBenedict:
“Ndiziva ndikhululwe kakhulu kwaye ndizinzisiwe, iinyanga ezimnyama zamathandabuzo zihlanjiwe, kwaye ndingakujonga ngovuyo emehlweni njengoko undithatha ezingalweni zakho. Zithandwa zam! Umhle wam. Ndiyambulela uThixo ukuba ungazami ukundibiyela, kodwa undithembe ukuba ndingabuthatha ubomi njengoko bufika kwaye ndenze okuthile kubo. Ngale ntembeko yakho ndingenza nantoni na - kwaye ndiphume nento exabisekileyo egciniweyo. Sweet, I kiss your hands.”
Njengoko ihlobo liza, uMead uzifumana ethandana noBenedict njengokuba babeqala ukudibana kwiminyaka emithandathu ngaphambili, ebhala ileta eyayibhalwe ngo-Agasti 26, 1926:
“Ruth sithandwa sam, ndonwabe kakhulu kwaye nenani elikhulu leentambo zentambo zibonakala ngathi ziqhutyiwe eParis. Ndandingonwabanga ngolo suku lokugqibela, ndasondela ngokuthandabuza ngakumbi kunanini na ngaphambili umlinganiswa ongenakuthintelwa wothando lwethu omnye komnye. Kwaye ngoku ndiziva ndiseluxolweni nehlabathi lonke. Unokucinga ukuba kulinga oothixo ukuba batsho njalo, kodwa ndiyithatha yonke le nto njengesiqinisekiso esiphezulu sento endihlala ndiyithandabuza ngokweemvakalelo-ukuhlala uhleli kwenkanuko - kunye nokujika nje kwentloko yakho, ithuba lokuvela kwelizwi lakho libe nje. amandla amaninzi okwenza usuku ngoku njengoko benzayo kwiminyaka emine eyadlulayo. Kanye njengokuba undenza ndibe nomdla wokukhula kunokuba ndinkwantye, ngokunjalo undinika ukholo endingazange ndicinge ukuba ndingaluphumelela uthando oluhlala luhleli. Ndiyakuthanda, Rute.”
NgoSeptemba wowe-1928, njengoko uMead wayehamba ngololiwe ukuya kutshata nomyeni wakhe wesibini emva kokuba umtshato wakhe wokuqala uqhawukile, enye ileta ekrakra eya kuRute isishiya sithelekelela ngento eyayinokuba yahlukile ukuba ubunewunewu obusemthethweni bothando lwanamhlanje bebuyinto yokwenene ngomhla kaMead, kunokwenzeka ukuba yena noRute batshate baze bawuqinise umtshato wabo oqinileyo phantsi komthetho:
“Sithandwa,
[...]
Ndilele kakhulu namhlanje ndizama ukususa le ngqele ndingajongi ilizwe endilibone kuqala ezingalweni zakho.
Ubukhulu becala, ndicinga ukuba ndisisidenge ngokutshata nabani na. Mhlawumbi ndizakwenza indoda nam ndingonwabi. Ngoku uninzi lwamaphupha am asemini ndixhalabile ngokungatshati tu. Ndiyazibuza ukuba ufuna ukutshata asiyonto nje enye isazisi kunye nawe, kunye nobuxoki. Kuba ngendingazange ndikususe kuStanley kwaye ungandisusa [eReo] - akukho kuqhwanyaza oko.
[...]
Ngaphandle kwamandla kunye nesigxina kunye nayo yonke imvakalelo engapheliyo endinayo kuwe, yonke enye into yintlabathi eguqukayo. Ngaba nixhalabile xa ndithetha ezi zinto? Uze ungakhathali - nantoni na - ngesona sipho sigqibeleleyo uThixo andinike sona. Umbindi wobomi bam yindawo entle ebiyelwe ngodonga, ukuba imiphetho ilukhula oluncinane kwaye idlakadlaka — ke, liziko elibalulekileyo — Sithandwa sam, mhle wam, sithandwa sam.
uMargaret wakho"
Ngomnyaka we-1933, nangona amalungiselelo enkululeko yomtshato wakhe, uMead wayevakalelwa kukuba unyanzelise uthando lwakhe ngoBenedict. Kwileta eya kuRute ukusuka nge-9 ka-Epreli, ubonakalisa ezo ntshukumo kunye nokuphefumla ngokukhululeka ekukhetheni ukuzikhulula kwezo zithintelo kwaye aphinde akhululeke ekuthandeni ngokupheleleyo:
“Ekubeni ndibeke ecaleni kakhulu okwam, ekuphenduleni into endiyikholelwayo ngempazamo ukuba yayiyimfuneko yomtshato wam, andizange ndifune ukukhula ngokweemvakalelo. … Ah, sithandwa sam, kuhle kakhulu ukuba ndiphelele ukuze ndikuthande kwakhona. . . . Inyanga igcwele kwaye ichibi lihleli kwaye liyathandeka - le ndawo ifana neZulu - kwaye ndithandana nobomi. Ubusuku obuhle, sithandwa. "
Kwiminyaka eyalandelayo, bobabini uMargaret noRute baphonononga imida yobunye ubudlelwane babo, ngemitshato emininzi kunye nobudlelwane basekhaya, kodwa uthando lwabo omnye komnye lwaqhubeka lukhula. Ngowe-1938, uMead wayithimba kakuhle ngokubhala “ukuhlala ngokusisigxina kobudlelwane [babo].” UMead kunye nomyeni wakhe wokugqibela, uGregory Bateson, ogama linguBenedict umgcini wentombi yabo. Aba bafazi babini babelana ngobudlelwane babo obubodwa de uBenedict wasweleka ngesiquphe ngenxa yokuhlaselwa yintliziyo ngo-1948. Kwenye yeeleta zakhe zokugqibela, uMead wabhala:
"Ndihlala ndikuthanda kwaye ndiyaqonda ukuba ngebunjani ubomi basentlango ngaphandle kwakho."
Shiya iMpendulo