KUNGCONO UYAZI: IMIBUZO NGE-LGBTQ WEDDING TERMINOLOGY
Kweli nqaku umfundisi-ntsapho uKathryn Hamm, umpapashi kunye nombhali-mbhali wencwadi ethi "Ubugcisa obutsha bokuThatha Uthando: Isikhokelo esiBalulekileyo sokufota iiLesbian kunye neGay Wedding." uphendula imibuzo ethile malunga Umtshato weLGBTQ isigama.
Kule minyaka mithandathu idlulileyo, uKathryn Hamm ebesebenza ngokusondeleyo neencutshe zomtshato kusapho ngeewebinars kunye neenkomfa. Kwaye nangona i ukulingana emtshatweni i-landscape kunye ne-teknoloji ekhoyo kumashishini amancinci atshintshile ngokuphawulekayo kwixesha lelo xesha, eyona mibuzo ithandwayo ayifumanayo kwiingcali ezifuna ukuphucula iinkonzo zabo zenkonzo kubantu abathandana besini esifanayo kunye noluntu olukhulu lwe-LGBTQ aluzange.
Ngaba izibini ezithandanayo zidla ngokuba 'noMtshakazi & noMyeni' okanye 'nguMtshakazi noMtshakazi' okanye 'uMyeni noMyeni'? Leliphi igama elichanekileyo elinokusetyenziswa kubantu abathandana besini esinye?”
Ngapha koko, ibiyeyona mibuzo idumileyo ayifumene kule minyaka idlulileyo. Ulwimi lubaluleke kakhulu kwizinto zokuthengisa (umzamo osebenzayo) kunye nentetho (umzamo wokwamkela kunye nenkonzo). Esinye sezizathu ezibangela ukuba lo mbuzo uzingise kukuba akukho mpendulo ilingana kuzo zonke, nangona kukho iindlela ezifanelekileyo zokulandela.
Enye yezona peeves ezinkulu kuzo zonke izibini ezikushishino lomtshato bubunzulu be-heteronormative, ulindelo oluqhutywa yindima yesini kucwangciso nakwisithethe ngokwaso. Inene, oku kunqanda izibini ezingezizo i-LGBTQ kangangoko kunciphisa izibini ze-LGBTQ. Kwilizwe lethu elilungileyo, isibini ngasinye sinethuba lokuthatha inxaxheba ngokulinganayo kwisiko lokuzibophelela esinentsingiselo nesibonakalisa kubo. Ixesha.
Oko kuthethiweyo, sinikeza le mpendulo imfutshane kumbuzo wakho: amagama achanekileyo onokuthi uwasebenzise kunye nabantu besini esifanayo yimigaqo abayithandayo. Ukuba awuqinisekanga ngenxa yokuba, emehlweni akho, babonakala bewela kumzekelo owuqondayo 'njengendima yomtshakazi' kunye 'nendima yomyeni,' nceda ubabuze ukuba bafuna ukusingathwa njani kunye/okanye babhekisa njani. kumsitho kunye “neendima” zabo kuwo. Ungaze, nanini na, nanini na, ungaze ubuze isibini: "Nguwuphi na kuni umtshakazi kwaye nguwuphi na phakathi kwenu ongumyeni?"
Uninzi lwezibini zichonga "njengabatshakazi ababini" okanye "abayeni ababini," kodwa oku akusoloko kunjalo. Ngamanye amaxesha abantu abatshatileyo banokuthi bayile ngolwimi lwabo (umzekelo, ukusebenzisa igama elithi 'umyeni' ukuba lithethe into engaphaya engeyiyo eyombini) kwaye abanye basenokukhetha ukuhamba “nomtshakazi nomyeni” kwaye bachongwe. Musa nje ukucinga.
Nceda wenze konke okusemandleni akho ukuba ungawucingi kakhulu umcimbi. Vula. Bandakanya. Yamkela. Yiba nomdla. Buza isibini ngendlela esadibana ngayo. Into abanethemba layo ngomhla womtshato wabo. Indlela onokuthi ubancede ngayo kwaye ubaxhase. Kwaye qiniseka ukubabuza ukuba banazo naziphi na iinkxalabo ezongezelelweyo onokuthi ungabuzanga ngazo. Okokugqibela, qiniseka ukuba unika isibini imvume yokukunika ingxelo ukuba wenze impazamo ngolwimi okanye indlela oyisebenzisayo. Unxibelelwano oluvulekileyo kunye nokwakha ubudlelwane yinto yonke.
Ndandidla ngokubuza, 'ngubani igama lomtshakazi okanye lomyeni wakho?' Kutshanje, bendinomkhwa wokubuza, 'ngubani ifani yeqabane lakho?' …Ingaba ilungile leyo umbono?
Ngelixa abanye abantu bethetha ngokusebenzisa 'iqabane' njengolwimi olungathathi hlangothi-oluyilo-igama lichanekileyo ukuba lisetyenziswe kuphela emva kokuba isibini sitshatile. Ichaza ubudlelwane obusekwe emtshatweni (utshintsho kubume bomthetho). Ngoko ke, ukuba ubulisa umntu emnxebeni okanye ngokobuqu kwaye awuqinisekanga (kwaye oku kuya nakubani na, nokuba ujongwe ngokwesini okanye ungubani), unokubuza igama 'leqabane' labo. Yeyona ndlela yokungathathi hlangothi kwangaphambi komtshato, ngakumbi ukuba uya kubhala igama. Sithanda ukuthanda ulwimi olunesitayile esithe chatha ngakumbi, nangona kunjalo, ungathanda ezinye iindlela ezinje ngo "intanda," "isithandwa" okanye "isithandwa;" musa ukoyika ukusebenzisa ulwimi oluhambelana nesimbo sakho.
Enye yezona zinto zilula ukuyisebenzisa - kwintetho kuphela - yi fiancée okanye fiancée. Eli gama, elibhekiselele kwiqabane athembisene ngalo lisuka kwisiFrentshi kwaye ke libandakanya elinye elithi 'é' ukubonisa uhlobo lobudoda lwegama (libhekisa kwindoda) kunye nezimbini 'é's ukubonisa uhlobo lobufazi lwegama (it iimbekiselo zabasetyhini). Kuba zombini zibizwa ngokufanayo xa zisetyenziswa kwintetho, ungathetha ingcinga enye (Sibuza ngomntu othembisene naye) ngaphandle kokuchaza ukuba yeyiphi imeko yesini oyisebenzisayo. Ke, obu buchule abuyi kusebenza ngokubhaliweyo, kodwa yindlela entle yokumema incoko eyongezelelweyo ngendlela ebandakanyayo nenobubele.
“Unganceda wenze amacebiso ulwimi olunokusetyenziswa kwizivumelwano? Ikhontrakthi enye, ulwimi oluquka konke? Izivumelwano ezahlukeneyo, ulwimi oluthile? Ndingaqala ngaphi?”
UBernadette Smith weGay Wedding Institute ukhuthaza abaqeqeshi bomtshato ukuba baphuhlise ikhontrakthi enye equka ngokupheleleyo kwaye engenzi naluphi na uqikelelo malunga nendibaniselwano yeenkonzo esinokuzifuna nasiphi na isibini.
Sicinga ukuba olu lolona qheliselo lubalaseleyo lokubandakanywa - kwaye, malunga nokuba yintoni na eyixabisayo, oku ayisiyiyo nje yokubandakanya i-LGBTQ. Olu hlaziyo lwekhontrakthi lunokubandakanya ukubandakanywa kwamadoda athe tye kwinkqubo, kunye nezibini ezingabamhlophe. Ishishini linomsebenzi omninzi ekufuneka liwenzile ukuphula “umkhethe womtshakazi” (okwangqiyame kakhulu kumhlophe). Kodwa, siyayixabisa...
Xa kuziwa kwikhontrakthi kunye nokusebenza nazo naziphi na izibini, siyayixabisa ngokwenene indlela elungiselelwe umntu ngokupheleleyo. Oku kusenokuthetha izinto ezahlukeneyo kwiindidi zeenkonzo ezahlukeneyo kuba isivumelwano somthengisi weentyatyambo sahlukile kwikhontrakthi enokuthi isetyenziswe ngumcwangcisi yahlukile kwikhontrakthi. mfa nekiso iimfuno. Kwilizwe eligqibeleleyo, sibona inkqubo apho umntu onamava womtshato abe nethuba lokudibana nesibini kwaye aqonde ukuba bangoobani, ulwimi abalusebenzisayo, kwaye zithini na iimfuno zabo. Ukusuka apho, isivumelwano siya kuphuhliswa ukuze silungele bona ngokobuqu. Kuyavunywa ukuba, kunokubakho imfuneko yolwimi oluqhelekileyo malunga namagama athile, ngaloo ndlela ezo ziqwenga “zihlala ziluhlaza” zinokuphuhliswa ngokubandakanywa kunye nokucinga jikelele. Apho abachwephesha banokunika enye into engeyiyo itemplate yegeneric kwaye baphuhlise, ngegalelo lesibini, ikhontrakthi ebonakalisa kubo, konke kungcono.
“Igama elithi 'Queer'… lithetha ukuthini? Ndisoloko ndicinga ngelo gama njengentetho engafanelekanga.”
Ukusetyenziswa kwegama elithi 'queer' lisetyenziswe ngokuphindaphinda rhoqo kule minyaka imbalwa idlulileyo. Kwaye, umbuzo ulungile. 'I-Queer' yayisetyenziswe njengegama elinyelisayo ukuchaza abantu be-LGBTQ (okanye njengesithuko ngokubanzi) ixesha elininzi kule nkulungwane idlulileyo. Kodwa, njengamabinzana amaninzi athob’ isidima, uluntu ebelisetyenziswa ngokuchasene nalo luye lwaphinda lalisebenzisa eli gama.
Olona setyenziso lwamva nje lweli gama lolo luqaqambile kakhulu ngobulula balo, nokuba kuthatha ixesha ukuliqhela. Ukusebenzisa 'izibini ze-LGBT' kuthetha ukuba uthetha ngaphezu kwabantu besini esinye. Uthetha ngabatshatileyo abanokuthi bachongwe njengabafana besini, abathandana nabasetyhini, abathandanayo, kunye / okanye abatshintshe isini. Abanye abachonga njengabantu abathandana nesini esinye okanye abathandana nesini esinye banokuba nezazisi ezifihliweyo kwaye bayayixabisa inkcubeko ye-LGBTQ kodwa bangabandakanywa kwigama elithi 'umtshato wesini esinye' ukuba ngaba batshatileyo besini esahlukileyo. Ngapha koko, kukwakho namanye amalungu oluntu lwe-LGBTQ achonga njenge "genderqueer" okanye "genderfluid" okanye "nonbinary;" oko kukuthi, banolwakhiwo olungaphantsi oluzinzileyo, olungaphantsi lobudoda/ lobufazi lobuni babo. Ezi zibini zamva nje zezona ekunokwenzeka ukuba zijongane nowona mzabalazo kweli shishini ngenxa yobuninzi “bomyeni womyeni” kunye nemikhwa emandla yesini yoluntu kunye neshishini lomtshato.
Ke, into esiyithandayo malunga nokusetyenziswa kwegama elithi 'queer' kukuba ligama elifutshane elichaza lonke uluntu lwethu. Ichola ngokufanelekileyo ekudibaneni kweendlela zokubonisa ukuziqhelanisa nesondo (i-gay, ilesbian, abathandana besini esinye, njl njl) kunye nesazisi sesini (transgender, gender fluid, njl.njl igama elinoonobumba abahlanu kunesuphu yealfabhethi eguquguqukayo (umz., LGBTTQQIAAP - isibhiyoni, i-gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, ally, pansexual).
Kubalulekile ukuyiqonda le nto kuba iMillennials (emele uninzi lwezibini eziganeneyo namhlanje) zikholisa ukusebenzisa eli gama ngokukhululeka nangokuphindaphindiweyo kuneGenXers okanye iBoomers. Isenokungafaneleki ukuba i-cisgender, i-heterosexual wedding pro aqalise ukubhekisa umntu okanye isibini njenge-"queer," kodwa loo pro kufuneka ngokuqinisekileyo abonise olo lwimi kwisibini ukuba le yindlela abakhetha ukwamkelwa ngayo. Ukongeza, kwabanye Ootitshala abenza ngakumbi ukuyila, ukutyhala umda, kunye nomsebenzi owenziwe kakhulu kunye nezibini, kufanelekile ukuqwalasela uhlaziyo kulwimi lwakho ukuze usebenzise "LGBTQ" kunye nesalathiso esithi "queer" okanye "genderqueer" izibini ukuba, eneneni, ukulungele ngokwenene ukubakhonza. . (Kwaye ukuba awukwazi ukuthi “queer” ngokuvakalayo ngokukhululekileyo okanye awukaqinisekanga ukuba kuthetha ukuthini isini, awukakulungeli. Qhubeka ufunda kwaye ufunda de ube ugqibe!)
Shiya iMpendulo