Kukonzekera Ukwati wa Amuna Kapena Akazi Amodzi Ndi Kulandira Malangizo Osawapempha Kwa Achibale?

Mark O'Connell, wolemba Akwatibwi Amakono & Okwatiwa Amakono: Kalozera wa Planning Maukwati Owongoka, Gay, ndi Maukwati Ena Osawerengeka a M'zaka za zana la makumi awiri ndi chimodzi, akugawana nkhani ya m’buku lake yonena za mmene tingachitire ndi uphungu waukwati wochokera kwa achibale.

ndi Ivy Jacobson

Zowunikira Kuseri kwa Chotchinga: Malangizo Osavuta Kuchokera kwa Achibale Achikhalidwe

"Kodi muvala chovala chaukwati cha tepi ya tepi?" Ndinafunsa Msuweni wa Justin Emily. 

Ndikudziwitsani kuti amayi ake a Emily, Azakhali a Corky, ndi oyamba kupanga diresi ndi tepi! Adazipangira prom ya Emily mzaka za makumi asanu ndi anayi. Chithunzi cha Emily chinawonekera m'magazini akulu-monga Maxim-ndipo mchitidwewo unayenda bwino. Chovala cha tepi ya duct chakhala chodabwitsa, chinthu. Tsopano ndi mpikisano wopitilira ndipo chinali chovuta kupanga Project Runway mu 2012. Koma mpaka lero, Corky sanatengere ngongole; iwo ndi anthu achinsinsi. Ichi ndichifukwa chake ndinafunsa mokwiyitsa za chovala chaukwati cha Emily - anali atatomeredwa kwa nthawi yayitali ndi bwenzi lake, koma osakwatiwa. Ndinkafuna kuti aliyense wokhudzidwa akhale ndi chidwi chomwe ndimaona kuti ndi choyenera. Ndinkafuna kuti chowonadi chawo chachikazi - chomwe chidabisidwa ndi chikhalidwe / "chinsinsi" - kuti chikhale mitu yankhani. 

Mukuona, kulikonse kumene kuli chinyengo, pali choonadi. Kulikonse kumene kuli queerness, pakufunika. 

Maukwati athu amakono ambiri, kaya akhale gay, owongoka, kapena omwe muli nawo kamba, kutanthauza kuti amakana gulu kapena tanthauzo. Ndikukutsimikizirani kuti mwatsata ukwati wotero, womwe choonadi chanu chimaposa miyambo. Zomwe zili za inu zosoŵa kupatuka ku chizoloŵezi cha kukhalapo, kukhala ndi moyo, kupuma—momwe Emily anafunikira kuvala tepi ya tepi kuti adzimve ngati iye mwini pa prom. 

Lyn ndi Jorge 

Ukwati wa mnzanga Lyn ndi chitsanzo chabwino cha queer = choonadi = chosowa. Lyn adaleredwa Myuda ndipo adakhala pachibwenzi ndi anyamata achiyuda okha mpaka adakumana ndi Jorge - Mkatolika wosakhala wachipembedzo wa ku Salvador. Kotero, osati Ayuda. Conservative (ndi brittle) mu Chiyuda, mchimwene wake Lyn adagawana ndi Lyn asanakwatirane ndi chikhulupiriro chake cholimba chakuti ayenera kukwatiwa m'chikhulupiriro. Pofuna kupewa mkangano wowonjezereka, Lyn sanatchule kuti rabi wamkazi adzachita mwambo wawo, osafuna kumva chitsutso chowonjezereka. Poyamba mchimwene wake anakana kupita nawo. Panthawiyi, abambo ake a Lyn, omwe anali Myuda wobadwa mwachibadwa komanso dikoni wa Katolika, anali ndi nthenga zosweka kuti Jorge sanali. Zambiri Chikatolika. Abambo ake nawonso anali osamala kuti asayandikire kwambiri chuppah yawo panthawi yautumiki. 

Lyn anakhumudwa ndi zonsezi kwa kanthawi. Chilichonse chimene anasankha chinayambitsa nkhondo zopatulika. Koma atatopa kwambiri moti sanasamale, anadzikumbutsa chifukwa chimene ankafunira ukwati poyamba malo. Amakonda Jorge. Amafuna kukhala naye moyo wake wonse. Ndipo ankafuna kukondwerera zimenezi ndi anthu ofunika kwambiri pa moyo wake. Zokwiyitsa mochititsa manyazi monga momwe ukwati wake unkawonekera kwa ena, sichinali cholinga cha Lyn. Ukwati wake wokondeka unali chabe zotsatira za choonadi chake ndi chosowa chake chotsogolera njira, ndipo ngakhale kuti zatenga nthawi, mchimwene wake tsopano ali ndi ubale wabwino ndi Jorge, ndipo akufotokoza za chikondi chake chochuluka kwa mwana wa Lyn ndi Jorge.

Kuwulula Kwanu 

Choncho musadere nkhawa za kukhala odzudzula malinga ngati mukukhala inuyo. The Batman ndi Robin ukwati, kapena Black Swan, Steam Punk, Wachilendo Vs. chilombokapena Star Nkhondo ukwati-womaliza ndi ulendo wopita ku Darth Vader March-ungathedi kugwira ntchito, koma ngati lingalirolo likuwululirani. osati ngati ikukuzingani mumsasa wakunja. Zingakhale zachinyengo kunena kusiyana kwake, makamaka pamene apolisi okhazikika atizungulira ngati achibale athu ndi anzathu, makamaka ngati apolisi okhazikika ndifenso.

Apolisi a Normative 

Siren ya apolisi okhazikika imamveka m'njira zingapo, njira yamwayi ya mchimwene wake wa Lyn, komanso mochenjera kwambiri. Amayi anga akuwopa kuti tikhala ndi vuto Elton John Ukwati kapena anthu akufunsa zinthu monga “Ndinu osati kuphimba ma tattoo anu?" kapena “Simuyenera kupsopsona pa guwa, sichoncho? Popeza ndinu awiri?” Anzanu akukuitanani Bridezilla kapena Groomzilla chifukwa mukufuna chovala chonyezimira kapena suti yomwe imakupangitsani kumva ngati nyenyezi. Banja likunena kuti ndinu “ochulukira,” chifukwa chakuti mukusangalaladi kukwatiwa kapena chifukwa chakuti mumafuna kuwonedwa m’chiwunikiro chimenechi. Ndizosavuta kukhumudwitsidwa panthawizi, kutseka chisangalalo chanu ndi/kapena kufuna kuchita manyazi. 

Tengani nthawi yoganizira mauthenga omwe amakulepheretsani kuyang'ana pagulu makamaka ngati ndiwe wapolisi. 

Yang'anani motalika komanso mwamphamvu njira zomwe mumalota zodziwonetsera. Chitani izi zithunzi kukupatsirani kuzizira? Ngati ndi choncho, mwina ndi chifukwa chakuti lingaliro lokondwerera chilichonse chimene mumakonda pamaso pa anthu amene mumawakonda limakusangalatsani. Ngakhale mutasankha ulaliki wanu kukhala wodzutsa maganizo kwa ena, mwina simungakhale cholinga chanu chomaliza. Ngakhale mutasankha kugwetsa makoma a mwambo—monga mmene Lyn anachitira pokwatira munthu wosakhala Myuda ndi kukhala ndi rabi wamkazi—mwinamwake mwachita zimenezi kuti mupeze mpata kuti choonadi chanu chikhalepo. Osati kokha “kupanga chochitika.”

Komanso, mwina achibale anu omwe amaoneka ngati amwambo ali ndi nzeru zambiri zomwe angakupatseni kuposa momwe zimawonekera poyamba. 

Mwachitsanzo, nthawi ina ndinaganiza kuti Azakhali a Corky anali apolisi okhazikika pocheza nawo limodzi ndi amuna awo, Amalume John, titangokwatirana kumene. Corky sankakonda imodzi mwa ma toast omwe tinkalandira kunyumba kwathu, ndipo ankafuna kuti tidziwe. “Sindinaganize kuti kunali kofunika,” iye anatero, ponena za “zandale” zimene bwenzi lathu lapamtima Sharon anapereka. Sharon ndi munthu wokonda kucheza kwambiri, wolankhula mwamphamvu—nthawi zina timamutchula kuti Mphepo yamkuntho Sharon. Anali akukankha ngati loya wa projekiti ya ACLU LGBT pa nthawi yaukwati wathu, ndipo chifukwa cha zolakwika zaukwati zikusintha, mwamalamulo komanso mwamakhalidwe - sitingaganize kuti palibe wina wabwino pa gawo la keepin'-it-real, advocacy. wa ukwati wathu wosaloledwa kuposa iye. Koma Corky sanavomereze. “Mwachiwonekere tinalipo kuti tikuthandizeni. N’chifukwa chiyani aliyense anafunika kupita kumeneko?”

Ndemanga zake zidandikwiyitsa panthawiyo, koma mosawona bwino, komanso mosazindikira, ndidawafotokozera kuti anali wachikhalidwe. 

Amayi ake a Justin, Sandy, mwinamwake anasintha maganizo anga, akumalingalira kuti John (mlongo wake) ankawonedwa kukhala “wachibadwa” ndi makolo awo a WASPy, pamene Sandy anadzimva ngati nkhosa yakuda. John ndi Corky anali ndi ukwati wautali wathanzi, nyumba yokongola ya famu ku New England - yokhala ndi mpanda wa picket-ndi ana aakazi awiri okongola. Ngakhale kuti Sandy—ngakhale anali ndi ana aamuna okondedwa aŵiri—anasudzulidwa ndipo anali wosachiritsika kwambiri m’nthabwala, m’kalembedwe, ndi mwachisawawa. Koma uwu ndi lingaliro limodzi lokha. 

Samalani nkhani zokondera za m'banja. Akhoza kudzetsa zopinga zosafunikira pakati pa inu ndi ena mwa achibale anu. 

Zedi, poyang'ana pa helikopita, John ndi Corky angafanane ndi banja wamba Siyani kwa Beaver, koma ngati muyang'ana pa tattoo ya buluzi yomwe ili m'khutu la Corky, mudzawona ng'anjo yochititsa chidwi ikuyenda. M'malo mwake, ngati mupita kunyumba yawo - yomwe ikufanana ndi bedi labwino kwambiri, New England bedi ndi kadzutsa - mutha kuwona kuwala kwamatsenga kukutuluka pakhomo lam'mwamba. Ndicho chipinda chamisiri cha Corky. Mkati mwake, mupeza zoseweretsa zopentidwa ndi manja, mipando, mawotchi—ndi kavalidwe ka tepi wa apo ndi apo—zonse zili m’kalembedwe kake kodabwitsa. 

Mukudziwa momwe Tim Burton ali ndi zowoneka bwino, zadziko, zakuda ndi zoyera, zachinsinsi, zokongola za gothic? Corky's ndi yosiyana.

Nthawi ina adapanga Justin mpando wopaka utoto wamasiwiti okoma komanso mawonekedwe ngati Miro omwe amawoneka ngati akuvina. Amatitumiziranso chokongoletsera cha Khrisimasi chopangidwa ndi manja chaka chilichonse: kamodzi, mosaiŵalika, timalandira ma elves okhala ndi nkhope zathu zojambulidwa ndi silika, zomwe timazitcha zidole zathu za voodoo. Iye ndiye munthu woyambirira kwambiri, waluso, komanso waluso kwambiri yemwe ndidamudziwapo. 

Koma zomwe amakonda ndi kukhala osadziwika. Kutsekedwa, ngati mungathe. Ndipo ndiyenera kuphunzira kulemekeza zimenezo. (Panthawi ina. Mwachionekere sindinafikebe, monga momwe ndikulembera za iye.) Koma izi zikungonena kuti ngakhale achibale athu achinsinsi, omwe amawoneka ngati achikhalidwe sali kwenikweni olamulira ankhanza aku North Korea. Cholinga chawo chomaliza sichingakhale kutitsekereza. M'malo mwake, monga Corky, atha kukhala ndi zida zambiri zopanga zomwe zitha kukhala zothandiza kwa ife, ngati tikudziwa komwe tingayang'ane. 

Corky ndi John 

Monga momwe zinakhalira, Corky ndi John anali ndi ukwati wa queer awo omwe. (Anali Black Sheep Sandy amene anali ndi zochita zambiri padoko la New Hampshire lokongola. Kumbukirani zimene ndinanena zokhudza maukwati ndi nthabwala, m'mutu 1?) John ndi Corky, kumbali ina, analankhula. Iwo anali kukhala ku Kansas panthawiyo, kutali ndi mabanja awo, ndipo anangochita zimenezo. Iwo okha, abwenzi ena, ndi galu wa John, Josh. Zolinga zawo. John adapatsa Corky mphete ya a Donald Bakha panthawiyo: mawonekedwe omwe adawulula nthabwala zawo komanso chidwi chawo chamwambowu ngati sewero. Iwo akhala nazo zosiyanasiyana mphete Kwa zaka zambiri - minyanga ya njovu, yade, platinamu - koma John posachedwapa anali ndi mphete yoyambirira yokonzedwanso kuti azikumbukira ukwati wawo wakale: Donald tsopano akugwira diamondi. 

Ndipo kuwukira kwawo kunapitanso ku nyukiliya - monga m'banja. Pamene ndikulemba izi, talandira chilengezo chotsatira cha ukwati wapamtima wa msuweni Emily, pansi pa radar. Palibe kavalidwe ka tepi, zachisoni. Koma monga mwa iye mwini, Emily adapita kukapeza chitonthozo cha mkwatibwi: top tank yoyera, akabudula a denim, ndi ma flops.

Yambani kufola okhulupirira mwachizolowezi m'banja mwanu ndikuwafunsa mafunso. 

Mutha kudzudzula malingaliro aliwonse okhazikika omwe simukonda, koma pakadali pano mutha kupeza kudzoza m'malo osayembekezereka. 

Mwachitsanzo, tengani azakhali anga a Rita, omwe atagwidwa m'zaka za m'ma makumi asanu ndi awiri, anakwera mpaka kumapeto kwa mzinda wa Long Island (kwenikweni, anali mphunzitsi wosambira). Anali ndi zaka zoyambira makumi awiri ndipo iyi inali tikiti yake yotuluka ku Bronx. Kuyambira nthawi yomwe ndimamudziwa, wakhala ali wokongola, wakhungu, wonyezimira misomali yomwe umatha kudula nayo nyama, komanso "kumenya" ngati Mayi Weniweni wa "Lawn Guyland." Magalasi otsetsereka a kumidzi ya kumidzi ankawoneka kuti akukwanira phazi la Rita—mpaka pamene anasudzulana ndipo madera akumidzi anakhala “Dawgville.” Ndipo Cinderella wa Lawn Guyland adasinthidwa mwankhanza kukhala Rita kuchokera ku Block. 

Kupukuta kwabwinoko kudachotsedwa, tsopano ndikutha kumuwona Rita mwatsopano, modabwitsa, wopusa. Ndimalingalira momwe ayenera kuti analiri asanakwatirane mwamwambo. Pamene anali wophunzira pa FIT ndipo anapanga zovala zake zaukwati wa makolo anga mu 1971, mwachitsanzo. Mathalauza akuthengo apinki otentha! (Wandiwongolera: akuti mathalauza otentha analidi, "salmon"). Osati ndendende zomwe mayi wapanyumba wokonda ku Long Island angasankhe paukwati. Zopusa kwathunthu. Ndani akanatha kukhala ndi thunk? 

Ndikadafunsa Rita kuti andipatse malangizo achindunji, monga "Kodi Amayi athu ayenera kutipatsa?" ayenera kuti anakwinya mphuno yake mosavomereza — mwachizolowezi, mwaulesi — osawona chinthu choterocho pa “Lawn Guyland.” Koma chinyengo chingakhale kufunsa za mathalauza otentha. Kumeneko, ndinapeza kuwala kwa Rita, kumene kukanatithandiza kufufuza choonadi chongopeka. 

Zomwe zidachitika, mchimwene wake wa Lyn - Myuda wokonda kusamala - alinso ndi mbiri yachinsinsi yaukali - kuphatikiza mausiku akuthengo ku New Orleans, komanso ngakhale kuvala kwa Halowini, kuvala ngati namwino wamkazi. Lyn ali ndi chithunzi. Ngati akanatha kupeza mtundu wa iye pokonzekera ukwati wake. 

Timaphunzira kuchita bwino ndi apolisi okhazikika m'miyoyo yathu, ndikupeza kudzoza kuchokera kwa iwo, tikamvetsetsa komwe ndemanga zawo zowongolera zimachokera. Sikuti akuyesera kukhala osagwirizana ndi miyambo, komanso samakhala ndi mantha ndi anthu ngati inu. Zomwe atha kukhala nazo ndikukayikakayika pakukhala pamalo owonekera okha. 

Spotlight Ambivalence 

Spotlight Ambivalence ndi malingaliro osiyanasiyana okhudza kuwulula chowonadi chamunthu pomwe chikutsutsa zomwe zimachitika. Zimapangitsa anthu kukhala otakataka, ndipo nthawi zina amatsutsa mukakhala pakati. 

Koma monga Corky, Rita, ndi mchimwene wake wa Lyn, atha kukhala atavala chovala chokongola kwambiri cha tepi, mathalauza otentha a "salmon", kapena chovala cha namwino wamsasa kuseri kwa nsalu yotchinga. Ngati timvetsera ndi maganizo omasuka, tingathe kupeza choonadi chawochabe, ndi kukhala olimba mtima kusonyeza zonena zathu tokha. 

Ndikulakalaka ndikadamvetsetsa Spotlight Ambivalence bwino pomwe Amayi adalengeza kuti amaopa Ukwati wa Elton John. Kapena ngakhale kale izi zisanachitike, ndili ndi zaka zisanu. Kumbali ina, adandilola kukhala mfiti ya Halowini ndipo adandipezera chidole cha Abiti Piggy cha Khrisimasi. Kumbali inayi, nthawi zambiri samakhala womasuka - mobisa, koma mokhudzidwa - ndikamatengera chidwi changa m'njira zosagwirizana ndi jenda, mwachitsanzo, "Kodi anyamata amazula nsidze zawo?" ndipo "Ma S anu ayamba kunjenjemera pang'ono."

Si zachilendo kuti amayi ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kapena amuna omwe sakugwirizana ndi amuna azikhala ndi amayi omwe amawonetsa mawonekedwe awa a Spotlight Ambivalence.. Anthu athu amakonda kupolisi kapena kulanga (kapena kuwononga) zinthu zonse zachikazi. Izi zimayika mtolo mopanda chilungamo kwa ambiri aife kuti tibise zilakolako zathu, powopa kulandira zilembo. flamboyant, drama queen, moto, tcheru hule, ndi zina zotero. Amayi athu ambiri amayesa kutichinjiriza ku kumenyedwa kwaukali kwa anthu mwa kutitumizira mauthenga—mochenjera kapena mwachindunji—kuti “achepetse.” (“Kodi umafunadi chovala chokongola chimenecho?” “Usakhale mwana wachifumu woteroyo.”) Komabe, amayi ambiri onga anga angakhale ndi chikhumbo chawo chapadera—ngakhale chodziŵika bwino—kwa ife ndi kwa iwo onse. kuvina powonekera. 

Mwachitsanzo, chikhumbo cha amayi choti ndikhale ndi Abiti Piggy kuti ndisewere nawo kuseri kwa siteji chinalipo ndikuwopa nkhanza zomwe zingandichitikire ndikagwidwa ndikusewera ndi Abiti Piggy pakati. Ndikudziwa tsopano kuti sanali wokonda kugonana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kapena makamaka effemiphobic. Anali wodekha; kuopa chidwi chomwe chinabwera chifukwa chosokera pachitetezo cha chikhalidwe. 

Inde, pamene owongoka, oyera, achimuna, amuna amawonekera-monga momwe amachitira nthawi zonse m'njira zomwe timayembekezera: mphamvu, nkhanza, ndi zina zotero - nthawi zambiri sitizindikira. (Achimwene anga atatu sanapatsidwe malamulo obisika, okhazikika a amayi anga.) Sitikuwona kuti akufunsa chisamaliro chapadera popeza takhala tikuwalola kulamulira chilengedwe kuyambira pachiyambi. 

Tsopano ndikumvetsa kuti nthawi zonse Amayi akadandaula za zazifupi zazifupi za Serena Williams kapena za Angelina Jolie… chabwino, chilichonse chokhudza Angelina Jolie, kapena wachinyamata wanga “S” (sukulu isanayambike sewero, samalani), kunali kulankhula kwake kowoneka bwino. Pamene amadzudzula mlongo wawo, azakhali anga a Connie, osati chifukwa cha maukwati awo angapo, komanso chifukwa chosewera maudindo apamwamba mu Chicago, Cabaret, Hello Dolly, Sweet Charity, Mtsikana Woseketsa, Gypsy ndi ena osawerengeka-kuopa kuti tingaiwale, iye anali hexed ndi Liz Taylor-inali Amayi Spotlight Ambivalence pa kusewera. 

Ndikanakonda Spotlight Ambivalence akanapanda kugwira mwamphamvu mayi anga; chifukwa cha iye ndi ine. Ndikukumbukira matembenuzidwe ake a "Loto Loto Laling'ono" kuposa lomwe la Amayi Cass. Amayimba nyimboyo akamandigoneka usiku. Koma kachiŵirinso, kukalipa kumadza chifukwa chosoŵa, ndipo nthaŵi zimenezo ankafunika kundigoneka. Monga msonkho kwa izi, iye ndi ine tinavina ku nyimbo yomweyi, powonekera, paukwati wanga.

Ambivalence yayikulu kwambiri yolimbana nayo, ndi yanu. 

Ikhoza kuyambika mosavuta ndikutseka chikhumbo chanu chodziwika bwino pa liwiro la mphezi. 

Mawu oyambitsa anga, mwachitsanzo, ndi wopanda ulemu. Mnzathu Lyle nthawi zambiri amachigwiritsa ntchito pamene anthu akuyang'ana - zomwe amawona kuti ndi khalidwe lopanda ntchito. Amakhala munthu wankhanza, wankhalwe akamanena kuti: “Zimenezo n’zaululu! Tsiku lina, nditakhumudwitsidwa ndi kuphulika kumodzi kwa Lyle, ndinajambula katuni ya munthu uyu: kamtsikana kakang'ono ka Victorian kokhazikika kokhala ndi siketi ya pinki ya taffeta hoop-skirt ndi Shirley Temple zopindika zolimba. Ndimamutcha kuti Lil' Priss. Chithunzichi chimandithandiza kumuseka. 

Koma nthawi yomweyo, ndaphunzira kuzindikira kuti mwina ndi amayi ake okongola, obadwa Kumwera akulira. manyazi kupyolera mwa iye—monga mibadwo ya Lil’ Prisses inalira kupyolera mwa iye. (Monga momwe amayi anga okangalika, opanduka, olankhula mosapita m’mbali, aku Italiya akulemba kupyolera mwa ine tsopano—ndife m’njira zambiri amene tinachokerako.) Ndipo kunena chilungamo, Lyle wagwira ntchito kuti akambirane za chizindikiritso chake monga mwamuna wachiwerewere ndi mizu yake yosamala— Mwachitsanzo, iye tsopano molimba mtima akuwongolera zotsutsa zake za manyazi kwa omwe amayambitsa nkhanza za amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Ndimayesetsa kukumbukira zimenezi nthawi iliyonse akagwa mvula pa parade wanga. Koma ndilinso ndi chiyembekezo kuti Lil 'Priss tsiku lina adzagwetsa tsitsi lake, kuligwedeza, kumasula corset, ndikukhala pakati pa ziwonetsero zake - monga momwe muyenera kuyang'anira mwadala paukwati wanu. 

Monga tafotokozera kale, ndikuchita bwino, kaya kaya kapena ayi. Mmodzi momwe awiri a inu muli pakati. Ngati inu mupyola nazo izo, inu muyenera kufuna kukhala pamenepo. Ndipo ngati simutero, pezani njira. 

Taonani zimene katswiri wa kanema Nicole Kidman ananena ponena za zisudzo: “Ndimachita chilichonse chimene chingatheke kuti ndifike pamalopo. Kokha… taganizirani za iye kunena kuti mu kalankhulidwe kake ka Aussie, ndizosangalatsa kwambiri. Gwiritsani ntchito nthawi yomwe muli nayo kuti mufike pamalopo. Mudzafuna kupeza njira yoti mumve bwino pokhala pamalowa. Apanso, mutha kukhala wamkulu kapena wocheperako momwe mukufunira, bola ngati cholinga chanu chili chachindunji. Ndipo mukufuna kukhalapo! Mlandu wokhawo wokha poyenda m'njira mukuvala chovala cha Lady Gaga, mwachitsanzo, ndikuwonetsa kuti simukufuna kuzindikiridwa. 

Ndipo chifukwa chiyani simuyenera kuzindikiridwa? Anthu okwatirana achikhalidwe chawo akhala akuyang'ana izi kwa zaka mazana ambiri, ndipo amapewa kunyozedwa chifukwa amayembekezeredwa kuti azichita. Kodi n'zochititsa manyazi kwambiri kufunsa chidwi chomwecho? Chifukwa chakuti nkhani yanu yachikondi singakhale yotchuka kwambiri yomwe inanenedwapo? Choyipa kwambiri chomwe chingachitike ndikuti mumasangalala kwambiri, pomwe wina satero. Monga momwe wochita masewero Uta Hagen adanenapo, "Tiyenera kuthana ndi lingaliro lakuti tiyenera kukhala okhazikika. Zimakuchotserani mwayi wokhala wodabwitsa ndipo zimakufikitsani kuzinthu zapakati. ” Palibe manyazi kupempha kuti aziwoneka ngati odabwitsa, makamaka ngati muli ndi chidwi chogawana nawo. 

Inde, mungafunike kumva kenakake kakang'ono kuchokera kwa mchimwene wake wa Lyn, Amayi anga, Corky, Rita, kapena Lyle, koma mudzatha kuziyika zonsezo. Ingomwetulirani mokoma mtima—momwe umati, “O, tisamasewere masewera amenewo.” Tumizani ku queerness aliyense - mkati kapena kunja. Ndipo imwani champagne. 

Koma tiyeneranso kulola anthu kuti azikondwerera chowonadi chawo chopanda pake pazolinga zawo, ndi omvera kapena opanda. Ngakhale ndikukhumba kukokera Aunt Corky pamalo owonekera—kuti chilengedwe chiziwatama chifukwa chopanga chovala cha tepi!—ndichake kuchigwiritsa ntchito momwe angafunire. (Pepani chinyengo changa pamene ndikumuwunikira pano. Tonse tikugwira ntchito). Yesani kuika maganizo anu pa kuchita chilichonse chimene chili chabwino inu ndi chochitika chanu. 

Justin ndi ine tinaganiza zoyamba kuwunikira kuyambira pachiyambi popanga chithunzi chaukwati. Izi zikuyimira kukoma kwathu kosangalatsa ngati awiri. Tidagwiritsa ntchito pachilichonse kuyambira pakusunga masiku mpaka mapulogalamu ndi zoikamo zamalo. Titaseka, kukangana, kujambula zithunzi, ndi vinyo wofiira, tinapanga chithunzi chosawerengeka cha alimi aamuna awiri a ku America: ife. 

Ena mwa apolisi okhazikika m'miyoyo yathu adatichenjeza kuti tisagwiritse ntchito, kunena kuti ndi zopusa kwambiri (zopusa kwambiri?). Koma kwa ife zinamveka bwino. Tinali titangoona kumene ndipo tinakhudzidwa mtima kwambiri Brokeback Mountain, yomwe inali ndi chikondi choona mtima cha kugonana pakati pa amuna chomwe sichinawonedwepo m'mawonekedwe ofala-chodabwitsa, anyamata awiri a ng'ombe a ku America. Tidalimbikitsidwa kusewera ndi zithunzi zakale zachimuna. Chithunzicho chinali chowona mtima, chapamwamba, komanso chosewera. Monga ife. Ndipo, mwa mbiri, tidachita izi pamaso pa Advocate 2008 American Gaythic pachikuto, ndi chithunzi chofanana cha Ellen ndi Portia. 

Zaka zingapo pambuyo pake, komabe, zinandichitikira kuti kudzoza kwathu mwina kunachokera ku gwero losayembekezereka. Tikuyang'ana zithunzi zakale zabanja, tidakumana ndi chithunzi cha Aunt Corky ndi Amalume a John omwe adalankhula momveka bwino mu 1972: chithunzi cha sepia chojambulidwa kumalo okongola, osungira nyama zaku America - Gothic waku America kwambiri. Anali mu diresi la gingham, adavala suti wamba. Ankawoneka wokongola / wonyezimira pakudulidwa kwa pixie-monga Ellen Burstyn kapena wosewera wina wanthawiyo. Ankawoneka ngati wamisala pazakudya zankhosa, monga Donald Sutherland kapena wosewera wina wanthawiyo. 

Maso awo anali akuthwanima ndi chowonadi chopanda pake pamene ankasangalala ndi mawonekedwe awoawo.

Mark O'Connell, LCSW, ndi dokotala wazamisala wozikidwa ku New York City m'malo mwachinsinsi, wolemba ndi wokamba nkhani pagulu pa nkhani zokhudzana ndi jenda, kudziwika komanso kusamvana pa ubale. Monga katswiri wa maubwenzi amakono ndi ukwati, nthawi zambiri amafunsidwa ndi akwatibwi Magazini, The Knot and Inside Weddings, ndipo iye ndi katswiri wovomerezeka pa Marriage.com. Amalembera The Huffington Post ndi Psychology Today pakati pa magwero ena otchuka, ndipo zolemba zake zachipatala zasindikizidwa ndi Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association. Webusaiti yake ndi MarkOConnellTherapist.com.