INCWADI YOTHANDO: U-MarGARET MEAD NO-RUTH BENEDICT
UMargaret Mead ibekezelela njengesazi sesayensi yezamasiko esaziwayo nesinamandla kunawo wonke emhlabeni, esingagcinanga nje ngokuqhakambisa i-anthropology ngokwayo kodwa futhi sabeka isisekelo soguquko lwezocansi lwama-1960s ngezifundo zakhe zengqondo mayelana nocansi. Ngaphezu kokwandisa izivumelwano zamasiko ngomsebenzi wakhe, ubuye wabonisa uguquko empilweni yakhe yomuntu siqu. Njengoba ayeshade namadoda amathathu izikhathi ezintathu, wayemthanda kakhulu umyeni wakhe wesithathu, isazi sesayensi yabantu saseBrithani esaziwayo uGregory Bateson, ayenendodakazi naye. Kodwa ubudlelwano obuqine kakhulu nobuhlala njalo empilweni yakhe babukanye nowesifazane - isazi sesayensi yabantu kanye nesazi sezinganekwane. URuth Benedict, umeluleki kaMead enyuvesi yase-Columbia, oneminyaka eyishumi nane emdala kunaye. Laba bobabili babenesibopho sobukhulu nothando olungajwayelekile, olwadlulela engxenyeni yekhulu leminyaka kuze kube sekupheleni kwempilo ka-Benedict.
Ngo-August 1925, uMead owayeneminyaka engu-24 ubudala wahamba ngomkhumbi waya eSamoa, eqala uhambo olwaluzoveza incwadi yakhe enethonya elikhulu. Ukuza Kweminyaka e-Samoa: Ucwaningo Lwezengqondo Lwentsha Yase-Primitive Yempucuko YaseNtshonalanga. (Mead, owayekholelwa ukuthi “umuntu angathanda abantu abambalwa nokuthi uthando lokubonisa lunalo indawo ezinhlotsheni ezihlukene zobuhlobo,” ngaleso sikhathi wayeshade nomyeni wakhe wokuqala futhi babenelungiselelo elingajwayelekile elalimvumela ukuba enze umsebenzi wasensimini kude naye isikhathi eside futhi avumelane nemizwa yakhe ngoRuthe.) Ngosuku lwesine lwakhe lwesine. olwandle, ubhala u-Benedict ngezingxenye ezilinganayo zokuzinikela nokuphuthuma:
“Ruthe, inhliziyo ethandekayo. . . Iposi engalithola ngaphambi nje kokuba ngihambe e-Honolulu naseposini lami lesitimu lalingenakukhethwa kangcono. Izinhlamvu ezinhlanu ezivela kuwe - futhi, o, ngithemba ukuthi ungase ungizwe ngiseduze nawe njengoba wenzile - ngiphumule kancane futhi kamnandi ezingalweni zakho. Noma nini lapho ngikhathele futhi ngigula ngenxa yokulangazelela wena ngingahlala ngibuyela emuva futhi ngiyokuthatha ngaleyontambama e-Bedford Hills kule ntwasahlobo, lapho ukuqabula kwakho kunetha ebusweni bami, futhi leyo nkumbulo igcina ngokuthula njalo, sithandwa.
Ezinsukwini ezimbalwa kamuva:
"Ruth, angiphindanga ngazalwa emhlabeni empilweni yami - kodwa angikaze ngiwazi amandla othando lwakho olunginika wona. Niye nangiqinisekisa ngento eyodwa ekuphileni eyenza ukuphila kuzuzise.
Awunaso isipho esikhulu kunazo zonke, sithandwa. Futhi yonke inkumbulo yobuso bakho, ukunkeneneza kwezwi lakho kuyinjabulo engiyodla ngayo ngokulamba kulezi zinyanga ezizayo.
Kwenye incwadi:
“[Ngiyazibuza] ukuthi ngingakwazi yini ukuqhubeka ngiphila, ngifune ukuqhubeka ngiphila uma ubungenandaba.”
Futhi kamuva:
“Ingabe i-Honolulu idinga ubukhona bakho be-phantom? O, sithandwa sami - ngaphandle kwayo, bengingeke ngikwazi ukuhlala lapha. Izindebe zakho ziletha izibusiso - sithandwa sami."
NgoZibandlela walowo nyaka, uMead wanikezwa isikhundla sokuba umsizi womnakekeli e-American Museum of Natural History, lapho ayezoqhubeka khona nokuchitha wonke umsebenzi wakhe. Wamukela ngenjabulo, ingxenye enkulu ukuze ekugcineni abe seduze noBenedict, futhi wathuthela eNew York nomyeni wakhe, uLuther Cressman, ekholelwa ngokuqinile ukuthi lobu budlelwano obubili abuyikulimaza noma buphikisane. Ngokushesha nje lapho isinqumo senziwe, wabhalela uBenedict ngoJanuwari 7, 1926:
“Ukuthembela kwakho esinqumweni sami kube yisona sisekelo sami sthandwa, ngaphandle kwalokho bengingeke ngikwazi. Futhi lonke lolu thando ongithululele lona luyisinkwa newayini esidingweni sami ngqo. Njalo, ngihlala ngibuyela kuwe. Ngiqabula izinwele zakho, sithandwa."
Ezinsukwini ezine kamuva, uMead uthumela uBenedict incwadi ebuhlungu, ecabanga ngobudlelwano bakhe obubili nokuthi uthando luzibonakalisa kanjani ngokuzithandela:
"Ngandlela thize lobu bukhona bedwa buveza ikakhulukazi - ngendlela engingasonta ngayo futhi ngiguqule indlela engibheka ngayo abantu ngaphandle kokuthola umfutho ngaphandle kwalokhu okuvela ngaphakathi kimi. Ngizovuka ngokunye ekuseni ngikuthanda ngokwethusa kakhulu ngendlela entsha futhi kungenzeka ukuthi angikakabuhlikihli ngokwanele ubuthongo emehlweni ami ukuthi ngize ngibheke isithombe sakho. Kunginika umuzwa ongavamile, cishe ongaqondakali wokuzimela. Futhi kuyiqiniso ukuthi sibe nalokhu kuthandeka “eduze” ndawonye ngoba angikaze ngikuzwe ukude kakhulu ukuthi ngingakuhlebela, futhi izinwele zakho othandekayo zihlala zingena eminweni yami. . . .Uma ngenza umsebenzi omuhle kuhlale kuqondene nawe … futhi ukucabanga ngawe manje kungenza ngijabule ngokungabekezeleleki.”
Emasontweni amahlanu kamuva, phakathi noFebhuwari, uMead noBenedict baqala ukuhlela ukubaleka ndawonye kwamasonto amathathu, okufakazela ukuthi, ngenxa yezimiso zabayeni babo, kuyinkimbinkimbi kunalokho okwakucatshangwa yilaba ababili ekuqaleni. Ecasulwe kukho konke ukuhlela, uMargaret ubhala uRuth:
"Ngizophuphuthekiswa kakhulu ngokukubuka, ngicabanga ukuthi manje ngeke kube nandaba - kodwa into ethandekayo ngothando lwethu ukuthi kuzoba njalo. Asifani nalabo bathandi baka-Edward “manje sebelala esihlathini” njll. abakhohlwa zonke izinto uthando lwabo olwalubafundise ukuzithanda—uPrecious, uyigugu. Ngiqabula izinwele zakho.”
Maphakathi no-March, uMead usephinde wagxila othandweni lwakhe ngoBenedict:
“Ngizizwa ngikhululeke kakhulu futhi ngiqinisiwe, izinyanga ezimnyama zokungabaza zigezekile, nokuthi ngingakubuka ngenjabulo emehlweni njengoba ungibamba ezingalweni zakho. Sthandwa sami! Wami omuhle. Ngibonga uNkulunkulu ukuthi awuzami ukungibiyela, kodwa ungithembe ukuthi ngizothatha impilo njengoba ifika futhi ngenze okuthile ngakho. Ngalokho kuthemba kwakho ngingenza noma yini - futhi ngiphume nokuthile okuyigugu okulondoloziwe. Kuhle, ngiqabula izandla zakho."
Njengoba ihlobo liza, uMead uzithola ethandana noBenedict njengalapho beqala ukuhlangana eminyakeni eyisithupha edlule, ebhala encwadini ka-August 26, 1926:
“Ruth othandekayo, ngijabule kakhulu futhi inqwaba yamalembu kubonakala sengathi ishaywe umoya eParis. Ngangiphatheke kabi kakhulu ngalolo suku lokugcina, ngasondela ngokungabaza kakhulu kunanini ngaphambili isimilo esingenakunqotshwa sothando lwethu komunye nomunye. Futhi manje ngizizwa nginokuthula nomhlaba wonke. Ungase ucabange ukuthi kulinga onkulunkulu ukuthi basho njalo, kodwa konke lokhu ngikuthatha njengesiqiniseko esiphezulu salokho ebengihlale ngikungabaza ngokwenhliziyo - ukuhlala unomphela kwentshiseko - kanye nokuphenduka nje kwekhanda lakho, ithuba lokuguquguquka kwezwi lakho amandla amaningi okwenza usuku luphele manje njengoba benza eminyakeni emine edlule. Futhi njengoba nje unginikeza intshiseko yokukhula esikhundleni sokwesaba, kanjalo unginika ukholo engingakaze ngicabange ukulunqoba ekushisekeleni okuhlala njalo. Ngiyakuthanda, Ruth.”
Ngo-September ka-1928, njengoba uMead ehamba ngesitimela eyoshada nomyeni wakhe wesibili ngemva kokuwohloka komshado wakhe wokuqala, enye incwadi ebabayo eya kuRuth isishiya siqagela ngalokho okwakungase kwehluke ukube ukunethezeka okungokomthetho kothando lwanamuhla bekungokoqobo osukwini lukaMead, kungenzeka ukuthi yena noRuthe bashade futhi benze ukuhlangana kwabo okuqinile ngaphansi komthetho:
“Sithandwa,
[...]
Ngilale kakhulu namuhla ngizama ukususa lamakhaza ngingabheki izwe engalibona kuqala ezandleni zenu.
Ikakhulukazi, ngicabanga ukuthi ngiyisiwula ukushada nanoma ubani. Cishe ngizomane ngenze indoda nami ngingajabuli. Njengamanje iningi lamaphupho ami asemini aphathelene nokungashadi nhlobo. Kazi ukufuna ukushada akukhona nje okunye ukuhlonza nawe, namanga. Ngoba bengingeke ngikususe ku-Stanley futhi ungangisusa ku-[Reo] — akukho ukucwayiza lokho.
[...]
Ngaphandle kwamandla nokuhlala njalo kanye nawo wonke umuzwa ongapheli enginawo ngani, yonke enye into isihlabathi esinyakazayo. Ingabe nikhathazeka kakhulu lapho ngisho lezi zinto? Akumele ukhathazeke—nanini—noma yini esiphweni esiphelele kakhulu uNkulunkulu anginike sona. Isikhungo sempilo yami siyindawo enhle ebiyelwe, uma imiphetho iyisimila esincane futhi inamadlakadlaka — kuhle, iyisikhungo esibalulekile — Sithandwa sami, muhle wami, othandekayo wami.
UMargaret wakho"
Ngo-1933, naphezu kwamalungiselelo akhululekile omshado wakhe, u-Mead waba nomuzwa wokuthi ucindezela kuye uthando ayenalo ngoBenedict. Encwadini ayibhalela uRuthe kusukela ngomhlaka-9 Ephreli, ubheka lawo mandla kanye nokukhala ngokukhululeka kokukhetha ukugqashula kulezo zingqinamba futhi aphinde akhululeke ekuthandeni ngokugcwele:
“Njengoba ngizibeke eceleni kakhulu, ngenxa yalokho engangikukholelwa ngephutha kwakuyisidingo somshado wami ngangingenaso indawo yokukhula ngokomzwelo. … Ah, sithandwa sami, kuhle kakhulu ukuba ngibe ngiphelele ukuze ngikuthande futhi. . . . Inyanga igcwele futhi ichibi lithule futhi liyathandeka - le ndawo ifana neZulu - futhi ngiyayithanda impilo. Ulale kahle, sithandwa.”
Phakathi neminyaka eyalandela, bobabili uMargaret noRuth bahlola imingcele yobunye ubudlelwano babo, ngemishado eyengeziwe kanye nobudlelwane basekhaya, kodwa uthando lwabo ngomunye nomunye lwaqhubeka lukhula. Ngo-1938, uMead wayithwebula kahle ngokubhala “ukuhlala phakade kobungane [babo].” UMead nomyeni wakhe wokugcina, uGregory Bateson, baqambe uBenedict umnakekeli wendodakazi yabo. Laba besifazane ababili bahlanganyela ubuhlobo babo obubodwa kwaze kwaba yilapho uBenedict eshona ngokuzumayo ngenxa yesifo senhliziyo ngo-1948. Kwenye yezincwadi zakhe zokugcina, uMead wabhala:
"Ngiyakuthanda njalo futhi ngiyabona ukuthi impilo yasogwadule ibingaba yini ngaphandle kwakho."
shiya impendulo