KUNGCONO WAZI: IMIBUZO MAYELANA NE-LGBTQ WEDDING TERMINOLOGY
Kulesi sihloko uthisha u-Kathryn Hamm, umshicileli kanye nombhali-ndawonye wencwadi ebaluleke kakhulu ethi “Ubuciko Obusha Bokuthwebula Uthando: Umhlahlandlela Obalulekile Wezithombe Zomshado Wezitabane Nezitabane.” uphendula imibuzo ethile mayelana Umshado we-LGBTQ isigama.
Eminyakeni eyisithupha edlule u-Kathryn Hamm usebenze eduze nochwepheshe bomshado emndenini ngama-webinars nezinkomfa. Futhi nakuba i ukulingana emshadweni isimo sezwe nobuchwepheshe obutholakala kumabhizinisi amancane kushintshe kakhulu phakathi naleso sikhathi, imibuzo ethandwa kakhulu ayithola kochwepheshe abafuna ukuthuthukisa iminikelo yabo yesevisi kubabhangqwana bobulili obufanayo kanye nomphakathi omkhulu we-LGBTQ awukakwenzi lokho.
“Ingabe imibhangqwana eyizitabane ivamise ukuba 'noMlobokazi Nomkhwenyana' noma 'umakoti noMlobokazi' noma 'Umkhwenyana noMkhwenyana'? Iliphi igama elilungile okufanele lisetshenziswe kwabashadile bobulili obufanayo?”
Eqinisweni, kube ngomunye wemibuzo ethandwa kakhulu ayitholile eminyakeni edlule. Ulimi lubaluleke ngendlela emangalisayo ezintweni zokumaketha (umzamo wokushesha) kanye nasenkulumweni (umzamo wokwamukela nogxile kwisevisi). Esinye sezizathu ezenza lo mbuzo uphikelele ingoba ayikho impendulo elingana yonke, nakuba kukhona izinqubo ezihamba phambili ezijwayelekile okufanele zilandelwe.
Enye yezilwane ezifuywayo ezinkulu kakhulu kuzo zonke izithandani ezisembonini yomshado ukushuba kokulindelekile okuhambisana nendima yobulili ekuhleleni nasesikweni ngokwalo. Ngempela, lokhu kukhawulela imibhangqwana engeyona eye-LGBTQ njengoba kukhawulela imibhangqwana ye-LGBTQ. Ezweni lethu elikahle, umbhangqwana ngamunye unethuba lokubamba iqhaza ngokulinganayo esikweni lokuzibophezela elibaluleke kakhulu futhi elibonisayo kubo. Isikhathi.
Sesikushilo lokho, sinikeza le mpendulo emfushane embuzweni wakho: amagama alungile ongawasebenzisa kubantu abathandanayo bobulili obufanayo imigomo abayithandayo bona. Uma ungaqiniseki ngoba, emehlweni akho, zibonakala ziwela ephethinini oyibona 'njengendima kamakoti' kanye 'nendima yomkhwenyana,' ngicela ubabuze ukuthi bafisa kukhulunywe kanjani kanye/noma ukuthi babhekisela kanjani. emcimbini kanye “nezindima” zabo kuwo. Ungalokothi, nanini, nanini, ungalokothi ubuze umbhangqwana: "Umuphi kini ongumlobokazi futhi yimuphi phakathi kwenu ongumkhwenyana?"
Iningi lemibhangqwana likhomba “njengabakhwenyana ababili” noma “abakhwenyana ababili,” kodwa lokhu akunjalo ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kwesinye isikhathi izithandani zingase zibe nobuhlakani ngolimi lwazo (isb., ukusebenzisa igama elithi 'umkhwenyana' ukuze lisho okuthile okungelona kanambambili) kanti abanye bangakhetha ukuhamba “nomakoti nomkhwenyana” futhi babonakale bengabangane. Ungacabangi nje.
Sicela futhi wenze konke okusemandleni akho ukuthi ungayicabangi kakhulu le ndaba. Vula. Hlanganyela. Yamukela. Yiba nelukuluku. Buza umbhangqwana ukuthi bahlangana kanjani. Abanethemba lakho ngosuku lomshado wabo. Ungabasiza kanjani kangcono futhi ubasekele. Futhi qiniseka ukuthi uyababuza ukuthi banakho yini okunye okubakhathazayo okungenzeka awuzange ubuze ngakho. Okokugcina, qiniseka ukuthi unikeza izithandani imvume yokukunikeza impendulo uma wenze iphutha ngolimi noma indlela oyisebenzisayo. Ukuxhumana okuvulekile nokwakha ubudlelwano yikho konke.
“Ngangivame ukubuza, 'ngubani igama likamakoti noma lomkhwenyana wakho?' Muva nje, nginomkhuba wokubuza ukuthi, 'ngubani isibongo somngane wakho womshado?' ...Ingabe lokho kuhle umqondo?
Ngenkathi abanye abantu bekhuluma ngokusebenzisa 'umlingani' njengolimi olungathathi hlangothi - okuyilo - leli gama lilungile ukuthi lisetshenziswe kuphela ngemva kokuba umbhangqwana ushadile. Ichaza ubuhlobo obusekelwe emshadweni (ushintsho esimweni somthetho). Ngakho-ke, uma ubingelela umuntu ocingweni noma mathupha futhi ungaqiniseki (futhi lokhu kuya kunoma ubani, ngaphandle kokukhetha ubulili noma ubunikazi bobulili), ungabuza igama 'lozakwethu.' Kuyindlela engathathi hlangothi ngaphambi komshado, ikakhulukazi uma uzobhala igama. Sivame ukuthanda ulimi olunesitayela esengeziwe, nokho-ke, ungase uthande ezinye izinketho njengokuthi "sthandwa," "sthandwa" noma "sithandwa;" ungesabi ukusebenzisa ulimi oluhambisana nesitayela sakho.
Enye yezinto okulula ukuzisebenzisa - enkulumweni kuphela - ingoduso noma ingoduso. Igama, elibhekisela kumlingani umuntu athembisene naye umshado lisuka kusiFulentshi futhi ngaleyo ndlela lihlanganisa elithi 'é' ukuze libonise uhlobo lwesilisa legama (libhekisela owesilisa) kanye nama-'é' amabili okukhombisa uhlobo lwesifazane lwegama (it ibhekisela kowesifazane). Ngoba kokubili kuphinyiswa ngokufanayo lapho kusetshenziswa enkulumweni, ungasho umcabango ofanayo (Sibuza ngomuntu othembisene naye) ngaphandle kokuveza ukuthi yiluphi uhlobo lobulili olusebenzisayo. Ngakho-ke, le nqubo ngeke isebenze ngokubhala, kodwa iyindlela enhle yokumema ingxoxo eyengeziwe ngendlela ebandakanyayo neyokungenisa izihambi.
“Ngicela wenze iziphakamiso mayelana ulimi olungasetshenziswa ezinkontilekeni? Inkontileka eyodwa, ulimi oluhlanganisa konke? Izinkontileka ezihlukile, ulimi oluthile? Ngizoqala kanjani?"
UBernadette Smith we-Gay Wedding Institute ukhuthaza ochwepheshe bomshado ukuthi bakhe inkontileka eyodwa ehlanganisa ngokugcwele futhi engenzi noma yikuphi ukucabangela mayelana nenhlanganisela yezinsizakalo ezingase zidingwe noma yimuphi umbhangqwana.
Sicabanga ukuthi lokhu umkhuba ongcono kakhulu oweqayo wokubandakanywa - futhi, ngokufanele, lokhu akukhona nje ukuhlanganisa i-LGBTQ. Lezi zibuyekezo zenkontileka nazo zingabandakanya ukufakwa kwamadoda aqondile ohlelweni, kanye nezithandani ezingebona abelungu. Imboni inomsebenzi omningi okumele yenze ukunqamula “ukuchema kwamakoti” (okubuye kuncike kakhulu ekubeni mhlophe). Kodwa-ke, siyehluleka...
Uma kukhulunywa ngenkontileka nokusebenza nanoma yiziphi izithandani, sithokozela kakhulu indlela eqondene nawe ngokuphelele. Lokhu kungase kusho izinto ezihlukile ezigabeni ezihlukene zesevisi ngoba inkontileka eyenziwa umthengisi wezimbali ihlukile kunenkontileka umhleli angase ayisebenzise ihlukile kunenkontileka photographer izidingo. Emhlabeni okahle, sibona ngeso lengqondo inqubo lapho uchwepheshe womshado ethole ithuba lokuhlangana nabashadikazi futhi aqonde ukuthi bangobani, ulimi abalusebenzisayo, nokuthi ziyini izidingo zabo. Kusukela lapho, kuzokwakhiwa inkontileka ezofanela bona uqobo. Kuyavunywa, kungase kube nesidingo solimi olujwayelekile mayelana namagama athile, ngaleyo ndlela lezo zingcezu “ezihlala ziluhlaza” zingathuthukiswa kucatshangelwa ukuhlanganisa nokuhlanganisa yonke indawo. Lapho ochwepheshe benganikeza okuthile ngaphandle kwesifanekiso esijwayelekile futhi bathuthukise, ngokufaka kombhangqwana, inkontileka ebonisa bona, konke kungcono.
“Igama elithi 'Queer'… lisho ukuthini lokho? Ngihlale ngicabanga lelo gama njengenkulumo engafanele.”
Ukusetshenziswa kwegama elithi 'queer' kusetshenziswe ngobuningi bemvamisa kule minyaka embalwa edlule. Futhi, umbuzo uqinisile. 'I-Queer' isetshenziswe njengegama elilulazayo ukuchaza abantu be-LGBTQ (noma njengenhlamba evamile) ingxenye enkulu yekhulu leminyaka elidlule. Kodwa, njengamagama amaningi alulazayo, umphakathi eliye lasetshenziswa kuwo uye waphinda walisebenzisa leli gama.
Ukusetshenziswa kwakamuva kwaleli gama kungokugqama kakhulu ngobulula balo, noma kuthatha isikhathi ukujwayela. Ukusebenzisa 'izithandani ze-LGBT' kusho ukuthi ukhuluma kakhulu kunabobulili obufanayo. Ukhuluma ngababhangqwana abangase bakhonjwe njengabangqingili, abathandana nobulili obubili, abayizitabane, kanye/noma abashintsha ubulili. Abanye abahlonza njengabobulili obubili noma abashintsha ubulili bangase babe nobunikazi obufihliwe futhi bajabulele ikhono lesiko le-LGBTQ kodwa bangabandakanywa egameni elithi 'umshado wobulili obufanayo' uma bengababhangqwana bobulili obuhlukile. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kukhona namanye amalungu omphakathi we-LGBTQ ahlonza “njengama-genderqueer” noma “genderfluid” noma “nonbinary;” okusho ukuthi, banokuthile okungagxili kakhulu, okuncane kowesilisa/owesifazane kobunikazi babo bobulili. Le mibhangqwana yakamuva iyona okungenzeka ibhekane nobunzima obukhulu embonini ngenxa yenqwaba “yomkhwenyana” kanye nemikhuba egcwele ubulili emphakathini kanye nemboni yomshado.
Ngakho-ke, esikuthandayo mayelana nokusetshenziswa kwegama elithi 'queer' ukuthi igama elifushane elichaza wonke umphakathi wethu. Ifinyelela kahle ezimpambanweni zezinkulumo ezibonisa ukukhetha ocansini (izitabane, izitabane, abesilisa nabesifazane, njll) kanye nobunikazi bobulili (i-transgender, gender fluid, njll) kanye nawo wonke ama-gradients angeziwe umphakathi wethu ongase uwaveze futhi isinikeza incazelo ye-meta-in igama elinezinhlamvu ezinhlanu kunesobho lezinhlamvu eziguquguqukayo (isb., LGBTTQQIAAP — izitabane, izitabane, abathandana nabesilisa nabesifazane, abashintsha ubulili, abashintsha ubulili, i-queer, imibuzo, i-intersex, i-asexual, i-ally, i-pansexual).
Kubalulekile ukukuqonda lokhu ngoba iMillennials (emele inqwaba yezithandani ezithembisene namuhla) zivame ukusebenzisa leli gama ngokunethezeka nangokuvama okungaphezulu kakhulu kweGenXers noma i-Boomers. Kungase kungafaneleki ukuthi u-cisgender, u-pro womshado wobulili obuhlukile aqale ukubhekisela kumuntu noma umbhangqwana “njengomqaphi,” kodwa lowo pro kufanele ngokuqinisekile abonise lolo limi emuva kubabhangqwana uma le kuyindlela abancamela ukuqashelwa ngayo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kwabanye ochwepheshe abenza ubuciko obuthe xaxa, ukusunduza imingcele, nomsebenzi oqondene nawe kakhulu nabashadile, kuhle ukuthi ucabangele isibuyekezo solimi lwakho ukuze usebenzise i-“LGBTQ” nereferensi yemibhangqwana ethi “queer” noma “yobulili” uma, empeleni, usukulungele ngempela ukubasiza. . (Futhi uma ungakwazi ukusho ukuthi “queer” ngokuzwakalayo ngokunethezeka noma ungakaqiniseki ukuthi i-genderqueer isho ukuthini, awukakalungeli. Qhubeka ufunda futhi ufunde kuze kube yilapho usulungile!)
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