Your LGBTQ+ Wedding Community



When you prepare to your wedding you always meet tons of questions you probably didn’t meet before. Etiquette questions about your wedding is what you need to answer if you want to relax and avoid difficulties at the ceremony. Don’t worry this article will help you to find important answers to all your questions.

 1. How are wedding bills split between the families of the LGBT couple? Whose parents pay for what?

This etiquette question isn’t limited to just same-sex couples. Remember, all couples have to ask this question. In age-old traditions, it varied depending on the culture of the couple. Sometimes the parents of the bride put in a substantial amount; other times, it was a matter of giving land and housing afterward.

Of course, nowadays, most couples don’t rely on their parents; they foot the bill themselves. A survey by the Gay Wedding Institute found that 84 percent of gay men and 73 percent of lesbians finance their own weddings. This is an issue which must be pre-discussed with the parties involved, and there isn’t one solution for everyone.

Bride's parents

2. Are all family members expected to be invited, even unsupportive ones?

 While weddings are a joyful celebration, there must also be a sense of diplomacy. If a particular family member is footing a lot of the bill, they may want to invite folks of their choice. In a sensitive etiquette question like this, it’s a chance for everyone to show how inclusive they can be.

The wedding couple must explain to their relatives how they feel about allowing certain unsupportive people to the party. And on the other hand, their family must respect their wishes.

Gay wedding, two grooms

3. What about names? How should I address a gay person who is getting married?

Gay weddings nowadays are trending to not classifying partners as “brides” or “grooms.” When you try to find an answer to this etiquette question Think of their titles in terms of non-gender ones: “partners” or “spouses,” for example. When in doubt, take clues from the couple: Do they introduce the other as their “wife” or “husband”? If so, assume it’s safe to do the same.

MRS and MRS on the top of the wedding cake

4. What is the processional order in a same-sex marriage? Who walks who down the aisle?

Here can be some confusion etiquette question or even trouble when deciding on the processional order. In traditional weddings, the father walks his daughter, the bride, down to meet her husband, the groom.

With gay weddings, it’s all a matter of personal taste, preference, and requests. There are variations on this, some of which include:

a) No one “walks” anyone down. One partner simply waits by the altar for the other to approach.

b) Both lead each other down the aisle, arm in arm.

c) Audience seats are arranged in two aisles that meet at the altar: Partners walk towards each other to meet in the middle, however, they prefer: escorted by a friend or family member, or completely on their own.

(The only thing to remember here then, is logistics. Two aisles may require planning which angle the official photos are taken from or having more than one photographer on call.)

Processional order

5. How do you decide who takes whose last name?

There’s no right or wrong answer to this etiquette question; it’s up to you and your partner to decide. You may want to go by two last names, two middle names, or a blend of surnames. However, keep in mind that each state has its own laws on what’s legit when altering your name. And decide early; your marriage license may determine your future name choices in some states.

6. Is there a way to incorporate religion into the ceremony, even if some rituals (and faiths) require traditional gender roles?

While same-sex religious ceremonies may be hard to secure in certain places of worship and in certain states, if religion is important to you, there are ways to incorporate it. To find an answer to this etiquette question first and foremost, do your research. While some religions are more LGBTQ-friendly than others, even the most traditional of faiths may have certain locations or officiants that have a more modern take on marriage.

And if you can’t secure a religious venue, don’t be afraid to put your own spin on religious gestures or texts. Words of faith can be modified and re-applied to suit situations that extend far beyond their original context, so consider writing your own vows and including whatever religious sentiments are important to you. Or seek out a non-denominational officiant (like an ordained minister), and ask if he or she can customize your ceremony to include faith-driven aspects without going full-out religious.

When it comes to rituals, dare to break the rules. Muslims having a same-sex wedding can choose to wear Mehndi henna (traditionally drawn on the bride) regardless of their sex, and two glasses can be broken at Jewish weddings with more than one groom or two brides.

Jewish wedding

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